


glass face

by shikachan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Superhuman era, Two fools in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2020-09-24 12:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20358205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shikachan/pseuds/shikachan
Summary: after the superhuman mv shooting, mark feels something off. every muscle, every fibre of his being is screaming yet the only thing that lingers is the warm touch on the nape of his neck.orin which mark is going through late puberty and realises his complicated emotions have a simple explanation: johnny.





	1. Chapter 1

“Superhuman clear!” Taeyong declared to the camera.

Cheers and thank you’s were exchanged between the members and crew as they wrapped up the Superhuman music video shooting. Props and sets were being taken down while some of the members returned their outfits to the stylists.

Mark’s feet ached from the strenuous moves as he trudged to retrieve his water bottle. From the corner of his eye, he spots Taeyong and Yuta laughing while imitating one of the dance moves. Johnny comes into frame languidly and starts doing the move too. The trio burst into fits.

He takes a swing from his bottle but it doesn’t quench his thirst. Strangely, Mark doesn’t feel relieved. He doesn’t feel the usual exhilaration either that comes with completing a shoot. He can’t really put his finger on it but he felt somewhat, unsettled. On the outside, he blames it on the mistake he made during one of the takes though it was only a small misfooting.

But inside he knows he’s lying to himself. Something else was bothering him.

“Hey Mark, we’re going for supper after this. Wanna join us?” Jaehyun walked towards him with a towel in hand. Mark accepts it gingerly and wipes his forehead.

“Can it even be considered supper? It’s almost time for breakfast,” Johnny approached and rustled the dusty pink-haired boy.

Mark’s stomach churns. “Nah, it’s ok. You guys go ahead.”

“You sure? I think the boys are feeling for a round of chi-maek and tteokbokki.” Johnny flashes his signature grin and Mark suddenly feels his face flush a light tint. He blames the burning studio light.

Mark slings his duffel and fakes a yawn. “It’s fine, I’m pretty tired anyways. See you guys back at the dorm.”

Jaehyun shrugs and drapes his hand over Johnny’s shoulder as the two move on to approach the others.

Mark sighs as he peels off his sweat-slicked jacket and heads to the dressing room. Running his fingers through his hair doesn’t make the thoughts clouding his mind disappear either.

His distress elevates and he feels his rib cage constricting. Air leaving his lungs more than it entered. He places a hand on the wall beside to steady himself. In the midst of all this unexplainable chaos, one thing was clear.

Every muscle, every fibre of his being is screaming yet the only thing that lingers is the warm touch on the nape of his neck.

☾☽ 

Four days after the music video shoot, the members were scheduled to film a dance practice video.

Everything seems fine and no one noticed anything out of the ordinary except Johnny. At first, he brushed off Mark’s decline for supper under the impression he was tired. But his withdrawal symptoms became more evident lately as he stopped hanging out with the hyungs. He would either join Donghyuck and Jisung after their activities or order delivery and lock himself in his room all night.

The tipping point however was when Mark lashed out on Johnny when he accidentally dropped his phone while they were monitoring their performance. Even Mark was taken aback, he’d never yell at his hyung over a small matter. He muttered a soft sorry and excused himself to the restroom. All these turbulent emotions has Johnny concerned over Mark’s well-being.

“What’s going on with Mark? He’s been acting different lately,” Johnny wonders aloud as they enter the studio.

Taeyong sniggers. “He’s probably going through late puberty.”

Johnny looks at Taeyong, as if he knows something more than he should. His thought is quickly brushed aside when the dance instructor calls for them to take their position.

They had a few quick run-throughs before deciding they were ready to shoot. At this rate, everyone has pretty much carefully mastered the choreography. The electronic intro starts off strong and Mark’s body moves with the rhythm. He executes each move with finesse, never missing a beat as the powerful chorus blares through the speakers. Catching a reflection of himself in the mirror, he smiles knowing this is where he belongs.

The tune slows down nearing the bridge and Mark takes his cue to begin rapping. He then catches a glimpse of Johnny moving towards him. That’s when his brain registers the next move. During rehearsals, they would usually skip the move altogether so he definitely panicked for what came next.

Mark places a hand on Johnny’s shoulder while Johnny reaches out to his neck, almost caressing his cheek. His face betrays him as Mark emits a smile upon the contact and quickly turns away from the camera. His ears heat up immediately and he feels Johnny’s piercing gaze on him, unwilling to break contact. Beckoning the blonde to fixate on him.

His stomach lurches and almost slips. “_Oh shit, get a grip_,” Mark reminds himself, regaining composure and gliding through the formation in time. Taeyong leaps in the air and the boys continue the final part of the song. Mark tries to focus on the sneakers squeaking against the parquet floor to drown out his thoughts of how amazing Johnny’s biceps appear in that simple black shirt.

Thankfully, the music ends with their final pose and he was able to finish off without breaking his facial expressions any further.

The cameraman calls cut and the members were dismissed before Taeyong calls out to them, “Guys, we’re gonna practice ‘Highway to Heaven’ in awhile so if anyone wants to join, you can stay back with us. But first, let’s take 10.”

Mark huffs as he reaches for his bag. This is the third time this week he has lost his cool around Johnny. He’s been taking some time off alone to sort out his thoughts, but even though he tries to think of ways to calm himself down, his body simply refuses to cooperate. There’s something about him that makes Mark fidgety around the ebony-haired boy, always tapping his foot or gnawing his bottom lip unconsciously before Johnny seems to catch him every time.

It’s weird to say the least, he doesn’t experience this with other members. He feels comfortable when Donghyuck rests his hand on his thigh during interviews or Jungwoo’s random hug attacks and just laughs it off. But when comes to Johnny, bet his heartbeat starts racing as fast as the sirens blaring in his head.

He knows what this is, he's not dumb. I mean, there’s about thousands of movies created and billions of songs written about this feeling. Maybe he’s just refusing to accept the fact it is someone so close to him, a member of the band.

Not wanting to stay for the extra rehearsal, Mark grabs his bag and heads out before hearing someone call out to him. “Mark, wait!” Johnny catches up to him and holds the door with his foot, “Aren’t you staying?”

Mark halts and turns around, trying to wreck his brain for another excuse he hasn’t used on the older boy this week but he’s out of luck. Instead, he just shakes his head and his brain immediately registers a ‘fight or flight’ mode.

He begins running down the flight of stairs as Johnny exits the studio and follows him, still calling out for him to wait. “Mark, hold on! I just want to talk with you.” Mark hears his footsteps approaching closer and hastens his escape. The last thing he wants to do is address this situation. Hell, he can’t even explain what is going on to himself, let alone Johnny.

He's almost midway down the stairs when the strap of his bag gets caught in the hand railing. The momentum lurches Mark forward, catching him off guard and detangling from his bag. Without any force holding him back, he starts tumbling down the stairs. He braces himself for the impact while trying to break the fall with his hand. But the speed of the fall causes Mark to miscalculate and he ends up hearing a loud crack before pain shoots up his arm. He yelps out in agony as his body is hurled further down the stairs. Hurried footsteps followed behind him before Mark feels his body come to an abrupt halt.

There’s a pause.

The blonde slowly opens his eyes that he didn’t realise were shut the entire time, only to be met mere centimetres away from slamming onto the concrete floor. On the other side, he feels a strong arm wrapped around his waist and a hand carefully holding the side of his head.

“Oh thank god,” Johnny pants from the adrenaline and anxiety. He leans against the wall, still cradling Mark in his arms. Mark turns around facing Johnny, his vision swims as he sees stars.

Johnny looks at his dazed expression worriedly, “You alright, Mark?”

And Mark just groans in reply. The older boy chuckles nervously, eyeing his hand. “Man, that was a pretty nasty fall. Did you get hurt anywhere?” Johnny drones on about how he should’ve just waited for him but Mark has tuned out his voice. Between his wavering vision and their close proximity, he takes the opportunity to examine the taller boy. He’d always loved the way his cat-like eyes hold a soft tenderness. Dark brown locks draped over his forehead, framing his face. He also noticed his left dimple appearing time to time as he talked.

“Look Mark, I don’t know why you’ve been avoiding me lately. Was it something I did?” Johnny inquires, worry etched on his forehead.

Something blooms in the younger’s chest, his senses tingling at Johnny’s touch. Staring into his autumn brown eyes, he feels his body taking over. Like a gravitational pull, Mark leans in without thinking and plants a kiss on his lips. _Heavenly_, Mark sighs as his thin lips brush against pillowy soft ones. Something in him ignites up like a matchstick being lit, but almost immediately Mark blows out the flame.

He pulls away as the initial shock flowed through him in waves. The reality of the kiss hits him when he sees the older boy’s eyes slowly flutter open.

“I just- it’s not,” Mark stammers, “I’m really sorry.” His eyes glazed with tears threatening to fall if he stays any longer. Wincing as he props himself up with his free hand, Mark grabs his bag haphazardly and mutters another soft sorry before bolting out the door. Leaving Johnny stunned, still seated by the steps.

The once lips that tasted like honey felt like sandpaper in his mouth. If he had just an ounce of self control, things wouldn't have spiralled into this mess.

Mark covers his mouth, sobbing in silence as he clambers into his manager’s car. Thoughts of fear came flooding back into his mind. The one person he confided in and trusts with his life. He lost him today.

He really fucked things up this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glass face- (adj) mirror-faced; reflecting the sentiments of another.
> 
> first nct fic so hope y'all liked it! feel free to leave a comment and chap 2 coming soon 💫


	2. Chapter 2

1.35 am.

The steady raindrops tapping on the windowsill resounded in the quiet room, safe for Taeyong’s soft snores as he cuddled his plushies. On the other side of the room, a dim blue light emanated underneath the blanket where Johnny mindlessly scrolled through Twitter, eyelids droopy from tiredness but refusing to shut. Schedules have always been exhausting during comeback season. All the boys were deadbeat after practice and headed straight to the showers (yes, some of them didn’t even made it that far).

Upon arriving back at the dorms, his eyes immediately scanned for that familiar face. Unsurprisingly, the younger boy was nowhere to be found and Johnny figured he probably has locked himself in the room all night again.

He lets out a sigh in frustration, _this is a thin line to walk on. _Johnny’s the type of carefree person who prefers to live in the moment but lying in his bed right now, he can’t stop the endless spiralling thoughts of “what ifs” and “what happens”.

His fingers trace his bottom lip absent-mindedly.

A gentle chime from his phone pulls Johnny away from his thoughts. He taps under the selca tweet posted earlier, smiling as the replies come flooding in. Fans pouring out their adoration for the ebony-haired boy. Some fans have already taken the liberty of cropping his picture into memes, to which he chuckled. His eyes squints at one of the replies. A picture of all the members bowing and waving towards the crowd at a concert, but Mark gleamed with adoration as he smiled at his favourite hyung.

He’d always been his guardian, tendering to his needs and questions. He knew Mark looked up to him. From a naive doe-eyed teenager to a level-headed professional artist, he witnessed the younger grow and evolve. Which is why Johnny felt even more responsible and cautious responding towards his newfound feelings.

Though he can’t deny the surge of electricity through his chest when he felt those soft lips shut him up mid-sentence. He can’t refute how the younger’s body moulded into his arms, tiny jolts on his fingertips when they touched.

He also remembered Mark’s mahogany orbs exuding fear at the aftermath while struggling to find the right words.

This is uncharted waters they are swimming in, and Johnny is having trouble staying afloat.

He lifts his sheets and takes a glimpse at the glowing red light on his bedside.

2.07 am.

Safe to say, he won’t be getting any sleep tonight.

☾☽ 

It was times like this that Taeyong doesn’t want to be the leader. Admittedly, English interviews have always been cringy and embarrassing. Interviewers lacked research and would recycle questions while involving the boys in tacky games. He can deal with the awkwardness but the tension right now was cutthroat deep in the room.

Earlier that day, the managers informed them about a last minute interview being slotted during the only free time they had. This led to Yuta being annoyed that he couldn’t watch his latest anime (“_I have to watch it the same time it comes out in Japan!” he yells exasperatedly_) and in a riot, ate the most share of lunch, including Jungwoo’s portion. Which led to both of them bickering throughout the journey with Jungwoo demanding Yuta to compensate him snacks and Taeil being pissed that he couldn’t get a wink of sleep even with headphones on. On top of all that, Jaehyun realized he accidentally left his bag at the photoshoot venue earlier so they had to make a u-turn back to retrieve his belongings while fetching Mark on the way from the hospital where he got his arm treated before arriving at the interview. All this fiasco made Taeyong’s anxiety level spike up, trying to calm his members down while inwardly worried that the band might appear unprofessional if they arrived late.

But as fate has planned, things had to get a whole lot worse before it got better. Everyone was pretty much in a crappy mood as they shuffle into the studio and sit accordingly. In English interviews, a mic is usually passed to Mark, Johnny and Jaehyun. Which made sense, except Mark hasn't muttered a word the entire time save for the introduction where he had to explain he fractured his arm and was healing pretty fast. The blonde idly twirls the mic in his hand as the members listen to Johnny and Jaehyun promoting their new album.

The interviewer reaches for her cue card. “Okay, if you had to exchange bodies with a group member for a day, who would it be and why?” Mark scoffs, trying not to roll his eyes at every cliche question this interviewer throws at them, otherwise it would probably be stuck at the back of his head.

“I’d pick Jaehyun,” Johnny begins, “because he’s the most handsome member and a pretty good singer. But I mean, it’s kinda hard to pick a favourite, right?”

But the interviewer clearly had a favourite, as she laughs and playfully slaps Johnny’s denim-clad shoulder. The ebony-haired boy didn’t mind the attention either and laughs along.

Angry would be an understatement. Mark was fuming. He could mentally bore holes into the interviewer’s skull every time she initiated some lame excuse under the pretence to touch the Chicago native.

He wasn’t sure if Johnny was being polite or oblivious but Mark made his temper clear. He would blatantly give one worded answers or show lacklustre reactions. However, that backfired and only caused the attention to shift more towards Johnny, who was trying his best to keep this interview alive.

“I can see why you’re named the most romantic in the group,” the interviewer sends him a flirtatious smirk. “All the girls would just fawn over you.” Johnny just smiles sheepishly and diverts to another topic.

A sudden pang in his chest appears. _“Right, girls.” _Mark grimaces at the thought. Something he totally missed in the equation. He was stupid to believe Johnny could love him in a way other than a sibling. He zones out in his thoughts, trying and failing to control his emotions. The same way he lost control during the kiss.

Taeyong notices and gently removes the mic from his hand, continuing with his comments. Donghyuck tries to keep Mark occupied by asking him to translate and pronounce words in English. Despite their feeble attempts, the younger can’t help but focus at the way Johnny’s face lights up each time she feigns a laugh. He feels his stomach churn as his lunch attempts to upturn in his throat.

Granted Johnny has always been charismatic, he admired the elder’s ability to draw people close to him with just a few choice words and humour.

He doesn’t need to try to make people like him.

And as much as Mark liked to think he was unaffected - he was.

☾☽ 

The frigid evening wind ripped at Mark’s coat as the members tugged their belongings and shuffledtheir way into the heated van. He could feel somehow the mood has lifted up. Chatters and laughters erupted in the back the minute he sat down as they wrap up their final arrangement for the day. 

“Hyung I'm starving, let’s get Japanese food for dinner!” Jungwoo exclaimed as he squished in between Taeil and Doyoung.

Yuta’s eyes widened, “Jungwoo, it’s like you read my mind. I’ve been craving for tonkatsu and curry all day!” The boys cheered and exchanged high fives.

Mark couldn’t help but smile at the exchange. Those two were arguing the entire time even during the interview but just as fast as the cars sped by, both of them have mended their differences over their mutual hunger. He shifted his gaze towards the boy in the front seat. If only things were as easy for him. 

His thoughts are interrupted when he feels a soothing hand petting his bleached locks. “Everything okay?” Taeyong’s gentle voice inquires. Mark leans his head against the window. “I’m fine, just tired.”

Taeyong frowns and tries again, “You seemed a little quiet during the interview. Poor Johnny had to answer all the interviewer’s ridiculous questions.” He tries to elicit a chuckle out of the younger but the thought of Johnny only drives a wedge into his chest.

Mark mutters under his breath, “Yeah well, Johnny and I had a little,” he pauses, “-disagreement.”

Taeyong raises an eyebrow at the revelation. He knew things have been rough between them but the leader thought they would have patched things up by now. Everyone knew the two were practically inseparable.

“Anyways, I was going through my clothes the other day and found some of them don’t fit me anymore. You can try those on to see if they fit,” Taeyong attempts to cheer him up, rubbing soothing circles on the back of his hand. “It’s all pretty much brand new too.”

He lets out a sigh and nods. “Okay, I’ll try them on after dinner.”

Taeyong’s smile lifts his eyes into half-moons. He then continues his conversation with Jaehyun and Donghyuck.

Out of the corner, Mark catches a pair of eyes peering at him from the side mirror. His hazel orbs gaze at the blonde vacantly for a moment before averting down to his phone.

Mark has always been weary of confrontation, tries to avoid them if possible. But it has been almost a week and his heart aches for Johnny’s soft words and bear hugs. He wonders if this was all worth it in the first place. Maybe he should have just buried his feelings.

He barely remembers the scent of his perfume anymore.

☾☽ 

“Yah, it’s your turn to do the dishes!” Doyoung calls out to the maknae, who he sees is already making a beeline for his room. The boys basically inhaled their dinner and were currently resting. After all, they needed to replenish their energy after that draining schedule.

Donghyuck is seconds away from turning the knob before Doyoung chases him and pinches his ear. The younger yelps and whines _pretty pleases_ to Doyoung. “Nope, I’ve covered for you the last time when you wanted to play video games,” the lanky brunette lectures. “It’s your turn.”

Donghyuck pulls a face as he is led to the kitchen sink where piles of dirty dishes stacked, but he gets an idea. He prances to the living room where Yuta, Taeyong and Taeil are watching a movie. He slides into the empty space beside and clings onto Taeil’s free arm like a koala.

Taeil is still engrossed at the tv but that doesn't mean he did not notice the mischievous glint in the maknae’s eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be on cleaning duty?”

He presses his index finger on plump lips. “Shh, not too loud. Doyoung-hyung might hear,” the silver-haired boy giggles.

“You want me to help, don’t you?” Taeil enquires, his voice is decidedly indifferent when he replies.

“Well it’ll be faster.”

He rolls his eyes and reluctantly leaves to the kitchen with Donghyuck happily skipping behind him.

Mark has just finished his dinner as well and leaves the plates in the sink. He approaches Taeyong lounging on the couch. “Hey hyung, you wanted me to try some of your clothes?”

Taeyong looks up for a moment, “Oh yeah, sure. It’s in my room.”

They head to the room and Mark opens the closet, immediately ransacking his clothes. Taeyong’s style is impeccable and it’s a bonus that both of them share the same taste. He browses each article of clothing like he’s at a shopping mall; an array of street style shirts, skinny jeans and flannels displayed before his eyes.

He pulls out a leather jacket. “Oii this jacket is noice,” he responds in a silly accent before noticing Taeyong wasn’t behind him.

He turns around and tilts his head in question at his hyung standing by the doorframe. Before he could ask him, Taeyong smiles apologetically, “Sorry, it’s only for your own good.” With that, he closes and locks the door.

Mark rushes forward and tries to turn the knob. He groans and starts banging on the door. “Taeyong-hyung, this is not funny! Let me out!”. An unsettling feeling began welling inside him. Honestly, what has gotten into his hyung?

“Jeez Mark, stop being so loud. I’m trying to edit here.”

Mark turns back slowly, almost forgetting who Taeyong shares a room with. _Oh, he gets it now._ Johnny shifts his glance up from his laptop slightly annoyed, looking extra comfy in a loose hoodie and sweatpants.

He resumes banging harder on the door. Johnny removes his earphones and places his laptop aside. “Mark, we need to talk.”

He curses under his breath. Sure Mark missed talking with the elder but the past week has been emotionally draining for him to distance himself. He wasn’t ready for this. “Look, can we just forget that whole thing ever happened?”

“We can, but I don't think you'd want to.” _Dammit, he knows him too well._

Johnny inches forward, “I know you were uncomfortable during the interview,” he pauses, towering over the younger as his eyes hold a certain apprehension, “maybe even jealous.”

Mark sputters, “N-no I wasn’t. I was just annoyed at her stupid questions.” Well, it wasn't _completely_ a lie. But the elder was not buying it. He helplessly slumps against the door, feeling small and vulnerable knowing only Johnny Suh holds the power to break him down and mould him up like this.

“Just let me know what you feel.”

He lets out a sound that resembles a whimper, unable to face the ebony-haired boy. “I-um, I lik-“ he chokes. And - oh - it’s really unfair because the golden sunset lamp is glinting off his face, casting soft shadows on his sharp jawline and Mark can think of nothing more he wants than for Johnny to surge forward and hold him like he meant something again - like he was still somebody instead of the nothingness he’s broken into. “You know what sucks? That I can’t make you like me.”

“What makes you think that?”

He scoffs, “Because I know you’ll never see me as anything more than a brother.”

“Is that so bad?” Johnny mutters back.

“No, I want more than that,” he nearly spits, before taking a breath and steadying his voice. “Trust me, I’ve tried ignoring these feelings but every time I see you I just- can’t help myself.” He wanted more, and he knew he couldn't have it.

“It’s okay. I know you can’t return my feelings. I’m sorry I kissed you without warning. It may take awhile but- I just hope we can go back to the way things were.” Mark’s heart twists and he pads backwards, the pain and the memory reminding him that he always _ruin, ruin, ruins_ everything.

The silence is deafening. Johnny’s facial expression is unreadable as he stands there. Then Mark asks weakly, “Where’s the key?”

“Did you regret it?” the elder interjects, genuinely curious at this point.

Mark’s face contorts in confusion, “Huh? Regret what?”

Johnny shuffles back, unlocking his drawer before holding up the key. “If you regret the kiss, you can have the key and we’ll forget about everything that has happened.”

He feels time stop around him as his gaze shifts from the key in his hand to Johnny’s steely dark eyes. Those split seconds seem to last eternity. Mark swallows around the knot in his throat and tries reaching out for the key but his arm felt like there were weights pulling them down. Johnny could see his fingers shaking. His lips are trembling and he shuts his eyes, no matter how hard he tries his arm won’t move an inch. Perhaps it’s his conscience speaking. Eventually, his hand falls to his side in defeat.

Johnny stares at him for a moment before lifting the younger’s face with his finger, “I don't either.”

Mark’s eyes widen as Johnny closed the distance. This time, the ebony-haired boy caught him by surprise, moving his lips to the pounding of his heartbeat. Mark’s brain short-circuits, barely registering the situation. His knees buckled forward but Johnny steadies the younger, leaning him into his broad chest for support.

Heat rushes to his cheeks as Mark feels the elder gently graze his tongue over his swollen lips. It takes all his willpower not to melt into his arms right then and there. He feels Johnny smirk into the kiss as he playfully nips his bottom lip, pulling it forward and letting go. Mark bites back from whining at the loss, _this little tease_. He advances up for another lingering kiss as he balances on his toes.

Mark becomes undone easily, letting Johnny do as he pleases. His arms snaked around the taller boy’s waist, fingers admiring all his nooks and crevices. Bergamot and musk enveloped him like a reassuring hug.

He remembers now.

Johnny pulls away, leaning their foreheads together as they catch a breath. He searches the younger’s face unsure if he made the right move. But the blinding hundred megawatts smile illuminated on Mark’s face reassures him. _God_, he forgot how much he missed it.

Mark giggles delightedly and hugs him again a mere second after. Johnny chuckles and pulls him closer, squeezing him tightly while burying his face in the younger’s neck.

Perhaps Taeyong was right, they really were inseparable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i was really excited for this but the ending was just shitty asdghjkl  
also i'm so sorry guys for not updating earlier (balancing a full time job and social life is pretty hard) so i'm unable to say when i'll update next but i'm aiming for within two weeks? i've worked out the entire story line draft already so i can't wait to write more! i feel guilty but all your comments (i haven't been able to reply some but i'll do it now!) and kudos really push me forward to keep writing n i really appreciate it 💗
> 
> as always thank you for reading 😌


	3. Chapter 3

“Aigoo there’s our MC Markie,” the members cooed as Mark entered backstage sheepishly. He felt somewhat out of place in his semi-formal plaid shirt and pants while the other members were decked in champagne Dior suits and leather dress shoes.

Donghyuck bounces on his chair in glee, the makeup artist struggling not to smear the eyeliner. “Do the aegyo again for us!”

Mark huffs, turning away in shyness. “No way! I was so embarrassed. Why do I always end up doing gigs like this?” Taeyong giggles at his remark while selecting the various accessories displayed neatly on the countertop.

“Aw but you were great! The audience interacted a lot,” Doyoung encourages the younger, tousling his recently-dyed jet black hair.

“Could you tell my hands were literally shaking while holding the mic,” he replies, shaking his hands in little tremors to emphasise.

Johnny laughs aloud as he enters the room, slipping his toned arms into the blazer. “Didn’t you also pronounce one of the words wrongly? Off to a bad start Mark,” he clicks his tongue teasingly in disapproval.

His mouth curls into a pout as he whines, “Ah hyung, c’mon I was nervous.”

The hairstylist finished Yuta’s dark brown locks with three long sprits of hairspray. He scrunches his nose at the aerosol scent. “You know what’ll be funny? If they actually end up editing out your corny jokes.”

Everyone bursts out laughing as Mark sulks at their teasing. Jaehyun affectionately pulls Mark onto his lap, as the younger folds his arms in protest. He knows his hyungs —and Donghyuck —find him endearing and easy to tease, so he lets them. Mark looks at Johnny, silently reading his expression. Johnny catches his drift and pulls a cheeky grin at the younger. He shifts his gaze down shyly at his lap.

Everything went back to normal ever since the pair made up. No one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary either, like the both of them had never fought in the first place. Johnny still loved pulling pranks on the younger, savouring each time he erupts into flustered laughters. Mark also sought out the elder’s advice while writing his rap lyrics, he admires the way Johnny is so articulate with his words.

Though there has been a shift in dynamic when the two became a couple. Mark became more clingy and dependant on Johnny, often requesting cuddles at night to which the elder obliged. But in an effort to be discreet among the members, Johnny would sneak into Mark’s room past midnight and leave early in the morning before the members awake.

Johnny on the other hand, became more protective towards the younger, sometimes even doting on him. Little things to holding his hand while crossing the road or helping him shave in the morning as he was prone to getting nicks. Mark would simply scratch behind his ear (a habit Johnny noticed) before reluctantly accepting it. He knew there was no point arguing with the elder when he was being adamant.

The stage manager bursts through the door, interrupting their merriment and alerting the boys about the Soribada red carpet starting in fifteen minutes. Makeup stylists frantically rush to place their finishing touches on the members.

The wardrobe stylist rummages through the clothing rack before piling the suit on Mark and drags him into another dressing room to get changed. 

In the corner, Jungwoo is busy braiding Yuta’s hair and pinning it securely with bobby pins while the elder admires his handiwork with a handheld mirror. Doyoung finds a snack displayed on the table and gets comfortable on the couch. However, the plastic rip immediately sends Taeil and Taeyong barrelling towards the sound, hands reaching deep into the bag for chips while Doyoung swats away the mischievous hands.

Johnny chuckles and films the commotion on his phone. _This should be good enough to post on Twitter. _He searches for Mark to see if he’s witnessing his hyungs fighting over a bag of chips but realises he was nowhere to be found.

Assuming the younger is still in the dressing room, Johnny stands up and tucks his phone in his back pocket. He wanders in the hallway, dodging the managers before deciding to gently knock on one of the doors. He cracks it open slightly, just enough to peer for a face but the soft mutters of English curses were enough to affirm him.

Johnny lets himself in but halts by the doorframe.

The amber vanity lights casted a soft glow against Mark’s porcelain skin. From the intricate detailing on the satin sleeves to the pearl coloured buttons on the ivory blazer, the entire suit seemed like it was custom-made for the younger. All that’s missing is a halo around his head.

_God, he’s beautiful, _Johnny smiles to himself. He always has been, but back then Johnny recognised it as a different feeling. Platonic. In this moment however, he’s incredibly lucky to call the boy sitting in front of him, his.

“Hyung, can you help me with my bow tie?” Mark asks, struggling to fix it around his collar in the mirror.

“What’s the point?”

Mark looks at him in confusion through the reflection.

Johnny stands behind the smaller boy and leans forward, his arms sliding down the younger’s muscles. Mark feels him brush his lower lip on his outer ear tauntingly. He whispers, “It’s gonna come off anyways.”

Mark closes his eyes, something burning in his lower region. “H-hyung...”

The bow falls to the ground, discarded as he feels Johnny’s arms beckon him to stand up. He spins him around and props him on the dresser table. Mark gasps at the sudden force, knuckles turning white from gripping too hard at the table’s edge. 

Johnny’s lips glided roughly, his tongue swiping tentatively against thin lips. Mark feels a hand rubbing on his thigh and instantly his reflexes kicks in. His back arches at the touch, needing more friction. The corner of Johnny’s lips tug upwards into a smirk, indulging how sinful and undone the younger looks. 

His lips trails from his lower jaw to his neck, eliciting soft moans from the boy above. “H-hyung, we’re gonna be late…”

But Johnny’s skilful hands have already made their way to Mark’s tiny waist, pulling out the hem of his shirt tucked in his pants. Clearly, he has no intentions of stopping. “Are you nervous, Mark?”

Mark’s eyelids flutter at the touch, fumbling with his words. “I-um, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never been in a relationship before,” he begins. “You’re kinda…my first.”

His ministrations come to a halt and Johnny pulls back in realisation. Right, being a trainee since he was fourteen and an idol afterwards meant this is Mark’s first relationship. He mentally scolds himself for not being more observant and cautious. Slowly, he backs away and picks up the bow from the floor.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Mark panics, fearing he might have said something wrong to cause the shift in atmosphere. He quickly jumps off the table but Johnny just smiles, fastening the bow tie around his collar. “No, you’re right. I should’ve been more considerate.” The elder smoothes down his blazer and buttons it neatly. 

“We’ll take it slow, no pressure. C’mon, the others are probably waiting for us,” he replies, sliding his fingers into the empty spaces between Mark’s.

He hears a small voice behind him. “We can still kiss, right?”

Johnny chuckles and places a gentle peck on his honey cheek. If he’s going to melt every time Mark is remotely adorable, then _God give him strength._

☾☽

_Clank!_

_Shit_, Johnny winces, trying his hardest not to make a sound when he sets down the large mixing bowl on the marble countertop.

Mark had a pretty bad stomach flu the night before and spent the entire time dry-heaving his dinner over the toilet bowl. Johnny felt bad and decided to make the younger’s favourite strawberry waffles for breakfast to increase his appetite.

That also meant waking up at an ungodly hour in the morning to search for the recipe because clearly he has never set foot in the kitchen. In addition, he also has to make the same portion for the rest of the members to ensure their little secret relationship is kept under the radar.

Now, if only he knew where Taeyong kept the measuring cup. He searches through the cabinet under the sink, accidentally knocking his head when he hears a voice calling out to him. Johnny peers gingerly from the cabinet to meet the sleepy figure in front of him.

“Why are you up?”

“Had to go to the bathroom again. Didn’t sleep much either.” Mark rubs his tired eyes, still dressed in his hoodie and shorts. Johnny frowns, hopefully Mark will feel better after a hearty breakfast. “What are you doing?” Mark inquires in his raspy morning voice.

Johnny retrieves the ingredients and carefully sets it on the table. “Well, it was supposed to be a surprise but I’m making your favourite strawberry waffles.”

The black-haired boy breaks into a grin. “Is Johnny Suh being thoughtful? Did the sun rise in the west today?”

Johnny rolls his eyes. “Yeah and that also means I need to make extra for the others. So you can make yourself useful.” He goes back to rummaging the fridge for strawberries. Mark eyes the mixing bowl and spreads the batter generously onto the waffle press.

The elder is busy cutting the strawberries when he sniffs something odd. He turns around where he sees Mark yanking the cord out from the socket. Johnny lets out a sigh. 

“Don’t you know hyung? I’m only here for moral support,” the younger smiles sheepishly as the waffle press reveals a close-to-black waffle. 

Johnny purses his lips, he takes the leftover batter and smears it across Mark’s cheek.

“Ah I just washed my face,” he giggles, hand already reaching out for the maple syrup. Before Johnny could back away, he squirts some on his hand and smears it on the elder’s lips.

The elder laughs, playfully swatting Mark’s hand away. “Now you have to clean this off,” he points at his maple syrup lip gloss.

Mark gleams cheekily before leaning in for a kiss and licks the remaining syrup off his lips. The elder’s eyelashes tickle his cheek at the closeness but a second later, he feels hands pushing him away. Mark’s lips curl into a pout and he quite literally whines, “Why’d you stop?"

A loud clatter breaks the silence, Jaehyun frozen in place as he sets his ceramic mug on the counter. He’s unable to tear his gaze away from the pair who were being cozy in the kitchen just a second ago.

The admission hangs in the stunned air for a moment before Johnny disentangles himself from the younger. He grabs Jaehyun by the wrist and pulls him quickly into the nearest room with Mark following behind him.

He latches the door as Jaehyun chokes out, gesturing at the pair, “So you two…”

Johnny lets out a rush of air and runs his fingers through his chestnut hair, “Yeah, we are.”

Jaehyun looks around sharply, trying to process his thoughts. "Oh," he says intelligently.

Mark peeps beside his boyfriend, a pink tint coloured his ears, “We weren’t sure how or when to break the news to you guys just yet.”

Worry etched deep within the lines on his forehead, Johnny becomes anxious at the thought of Jaehyun exposing their newborn relationship to the other members. They had nothing to be ashamed about but, that doesn’t mean they didn’t fear what might happen.

Jaehyun shoulders loosen in acute relief, but he can't help tugging nervously at his collar. “Okay, so I wasn’t just imagining things,” he replies with a half smile.

Mark furrows his eyebrows, “Wait, you knew?”

Johnny’s head snaps up, heart hammering. He doesn't know what his face must look like in that second, but it's enough to make Jaehyun crack a small, reassuring smile.

“I wasn’t sure, but I kinda had an inkling about the situation. Y’know, you guys aren’t as sneaky as you thought.”

The elder gapes for a retort but eventually shuts it when he couldn’t think of one. Jaehyun stands and places a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, “I won’t press on further about it, but both of you should be more careful around the others. Until the day you are ready to make the announcement, I’ll keep it a secret.”

Mark nods slowly,“Thanks hyung.”

Jaehyun turns the doorknob before looking back at the pair with a warm smile, “I guess— you do look cute together.” 

☾☽

Mark likes the way Johnny always tries - likes to bring him out on little dates for dinner even though they’re just getting bubble tea, likes his laughter in the morning while he play-fights with Donghyuck, likes the way he squints his eye through the viewfinder while taking candid pictures of Mark laughing.

It's funny because Mark knows that he was already in love with Johnny, but it feels like falling all over again. Which is why he decided to plan something nice for Johnny in return, a surprise party for his birthday. The members have delegated their tasks prior; Yuta and Jungwoo ordered his birthday cake, drinks and snacks, Taeil, Mark and Donghyuck were in charge of presents and decorations while Taeyong and Doyoung had to stall Johnny for the entire day with Jaehyun sneakily recording the entire event with a camcorder.

The trio decided to deck out their practice room with garlands and balloons together with instruments and stereos lined up at the back. Mark hangs up multi-coloured streamers and balloons while Donghyuck steadies the chair he’s standing on. Taeil arranges the presents he collected from each member and displays neatly across the table. From above, Mark eyes the box wrapped in blue.

“All good hyung?” Mark calls out. Taeil nods and gives him a thumbs up.

The black-haired boy smiled recalling the memory. The pair were walking down the street one night, talking about their new choreography when Johnny stops in his tracks distractedly and peers through one of the shop window. A sleek black film camera with silver trimmings caught his eye, his breath fogging up the glass as he stares intently.

“Hyung?”

Johnny breaks out from the reverie, but the enchantment in his eyes still linger. He smiles and continues walking with the younger.

Yuta barges into the room interrupting his thoughts, matcha birthday cake in one hand and boxes of yangnyeom chicken in the other. Jungwoo followed behind him closely, clutching bottles of flavoured soda close to his chest which were obstructing his view as he wobbles his way to the table and sets everything down with a loud thud.

Yuta rummages the cake box, only to turn back and look at the blonde. “Jungwoo-ah, where’s the sparklers?”

Jungwoo raises his eyebrow, checking the paper bag before his eyes widen in realisation. “I must’ve left it at the store when I took it out to play with it,” he deadpans.

Mark perks up in concern, he wanted this surprise party to go without a hitch. It’s the least he could do for him. Yuta closes his eyes and presses the bridge of his nose. He turns and faces the others, “Seriously, why did I get paired up with him?”

The younger musters a determined smile, “No worries, hyung. I’ll go get it now.”

As he opens the door to exit, Doyoung rushes in and Jungwoo bumps into him. “Where are you going?” the elder questions him.

Jungwoo groans and rubs his aching forehead, “I left the sparklers at the shop, gonna get it real quick.” 

“No time! Johnny’s coming up in 5!” Doyoung shoves Jungwoo back into the room and shuts the door. Donghyuck almost drops Mark when his grip on the chair loosens.

“What?!” Yuta yells while stabbing the cake with candles, Taeil shushing him immediately after.

“I thought you guys were ready!” Doyoung panics.

“Forget the sparklers, we gotta hide!” Mark calls out, Donghyuck scurries to hide the chair. Doyoung hits the light switch off as everyone scrambles behind the table. The boys try to keep their panting at a minimum, with Jungwoo whispering something to Yuta only to get shushed by Taeil again.

After about a minute of dead air, Mark makes out the faint footsteps approaching the practice room. The door clicks and the members peer tentatively behind the table.

“Why is it so dark?” a husky voice resounded in the quiet room.

The lights flipped back on and the boys start singing the birthday song. Johnny catches on, a small grin appearing on his face. Jungwoo brings out the cake, wax dripping on the frosting as the elder quickly blows out the candles. The room erupts into cheers and wishes for the birthday boy.

“I knew something was up when you didn’t let me join the others,” Johnny muses, eyes trailing on Taeyong as he chuckles. He’s got that look in his eyes, the elder notes, the one his mom used to have whenever he won an achievement at school and she would make his favourite dish for dinner.

“Guys come closer, Johnny stand in the middle,” Jaehyun motions the members with a wave as he holds up the camcorder. The boys huddle closer surrounding the birthday boy carrying the cake in his hands in front of the table.

Donghyuck tries to reach from behind the table to smear icing on his face but in the process knocks some of the presents piled on the table over. The blue box lands the furthest.

Mark notices and his throat runs dry. He lurches toward the box and starts unwrapping it, the members starting to crowd the younger. The camera lens has a large crack running straight across and pieces of the shutter release scatter in the box.

Mark remains there for a minute, blinking slowly as the world sort of shatters around him and his heart drops into his stomach. He squeezes his eyes tightly but the tears drip through his eyelashes anyway, staining his cheeks and when he opens his eyes Donghyuck’s looking at him, devastation under his skin.

Donghyuck is unsure how to react or who to apologise to; Mark or Johnny. “Hyungs, I’m sorry. I-I’ll get you a new one,” his voice shaky as his eyes wavers between the ebony haired and brunette. Slowly he bends down, hand reaching out to comfort Mark.

But Mark feels like a fool. He knows it’s written clearly on his face. All this while he felt he was on the receiving end, always receiving endless love and affection from Johnny. The gift (which was planned months in advance) was his small way of saying, _thank you hyung, I don’t deserve it but you do it anyways constantly, thank you. _Sure, it was incomparable to everything the elder has done from him, but looking down at the box, he really had nothing now. Nothing left to give.

Mark pushes Donghyuck away, making his way out from the practice room. Jaehyun turns the camcorder off, biting his lip in silence. Johnny calls out to him, placing down the cake before running after the younger.

He eventually finds him on the corridor floor, curled into a ball as muffled sobs echoed through the hallway. Johnny scoots beside the younger, placing gentle strokes on his soft black hair.

Mark’s ears are ringing as the camera shatters in replay in his mind, “I’m sorry, I tried. I really did but I—,” he chokes, a part of him nagging that it was not enough. He was not enough.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry. Besides you planned this whole party, which has been great so far,” Johnny tries to cheer him up. 

“I don’t know why this always happens,” he sniffles, “I keep messing things up. I just wanted to be a good boyfriend to you.” He shifts his gaze up for a moment, the forlornness laced in his eyes**.**

“What makes you think you’re not?” the elder furrows his brows in question.

“You’re always taking care of me, and all I’ve been doing is messing things up.”

“Hey, no, Mark, ” Johnny mutters softly into his ear but Mark barely hears him over the buzz in his body from having him that close. 

“But it’s true, you know it too, hyung.” Mark replies and the tears sort of slide down his face without his permission.

Johnny’s thumbs reaches for his face and his eyes are sad and sorry, “Look at me.”

He swallows tightly, wiping his nose with the back of his hand as he sniffles.

“Baby,” Johnny tries again. Mark eventually looks up with wide bambi eyes.

“I know you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into the gift. And I love it— really,” he tries drying the tears but another falls immediately after.

“But your happiness is more important to me,” he finishes.

And Mark crumbles then because there’s nothing he could possibly say to that. His heart swells at the thought of how much he meant to Johnny. So instead he fists a hand in his shirt and presses as close as possible. Close enough that he can take a whiff his cologne and the way it always comforts him— just like the way the elder does. 

The guilt still resonates in his chest, but Mark guesses it’ll probably never go away. For now, he’s okay.

“C’mon, it’s still my birthday so let’s celebrate,” he chuckles. He gives him a side hug and the two head back to the party.

The room falls silent as the two enter, eyes trailing Mark’s tear-stained face. Jaehyun studies the pair curiously. Johnny smiles and ruffles Donghyuck’s silver locks. “Aish, Haechanie pabo!”

Everyone bursts into fits of laughter, assuming that the whole matter has been resolved. The mood becomes festive again as Taeyong distributes the drinks while Yuta and Taeil entertain the others with songs on the guitar.

Mark plasters a brave smile for the members but Johnny knows better. He can see the guilt gnawing away at his veins, though he doesn’t know why the feeling still persists.

He just wishes he’ll be there to pick up the pieces each time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mark is a babie™ 🥺  
last fluffy chapter, angsty shit's about to go down next YEET
> 
> hope y'all liked this!💛


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor trigger warning (in light of recent events)

Walking on eggshells.

That’s what Mark and Johnny have been doing for the past month now. Ever since the birthday fiasco, it has been increasingly difficult to hide their relationship from the other members without raising any red flags. They could tell some of the members were on heightened alert because of Mark’s previous outburst.

Being bandmates, friends and lovers all at the same time also meant that the lines were constantly blurred. It was hard to spend alone time with each other as they either had conflicting schedules or too many members back at the dorm.

One late afternoon, the boys are lounging in the living room after returning from Music Bank. Johnny decides this is a good time to tell the others. He sits them all down in a circle.

"So," he begins hesitantly, sitting cross-legged facing the members as he fidgets with the throw pillow in his lap. “There’s no easy way for me to say this and it’s been hard to keep this a secret— not because we didn’t want to tell you guys.” He holds his breath a little because though he had mentally prepared himself and recited the announcement over in his head, he never knew the moment would feel so surreal until now. “We just needed to figure out the right timing.”

Johnny averts his eyes from the others, but Mark stares right at him, catching the way his adam's apple bobs in terror. He continues, “Before you ask ‘how or when’ it happened, I don’t know either. I guess it’s the little moments building up and gradually over time, we knew it was too close for comfort. Too close to be just friends.”

The members exchange worried glances. “What’s going on?” Yuta voices out, preparing for the worst.

Mark’s breath hitches as he watches Johnny scoot closer to him, smiling as he intertwines his fingers with the younger’s. “Mark and I are dating.”

Mark feels his heart swell four sizes too big. He never really understood when he saw people crying at award shows whenever they won. It was supposed to be a joyful moment, celebrating their success and determination. So he would always watch in silence, unable to comprehend why the tears started flowing.

But in this moment, an uncontainable overwhelming wave of happiness washed over him as Johnny and him shared a sacred part of their relationship with the members. Salty tears brim his eyes as he wraps his hand in his boyfriend’s warm ones. He gets it now.

Taeil lets out a chuckle but quickly realises it wasn’t a joke, looking at the way Johnny’s eyes oozes pride and adoration at the younger. Mark beams in delight though his vision wavers at the others, wondering if they’d be receptive of their relationship.

The members fall silent at the announcement, undecided and unsure. The air became increasingly thin, spurred by tension. Jungwoo instinctively reaches out to Yuta’s hand for comfort.

Seeing at how the others refused to speak, Taeyong decides to address the announcement. “Thank you both for letting us know, I know it must’ve taken a lot of courage.” He clears his throat before continuing, “As for being a couple, I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. You’re both in your twenties which is perfectly normal to date.”

Doyoung suddenly interjects. “You’re okay with this?” he asks incredulously. 

Taeyong shoots him a stern glare, “I wasn’t done. However this affects everyone in the group so I think it’s right that we have a discussion first.”

Jungwoo shifts his focus to Mark. “Are you guys planning to tell the company and fans about your relationship?” he questions, still partially hiding behind Yuta’s large frame.

Mark bites his lip, “I don’t know, given time probably yes. Secrets don’t get hidden for long as you know.” He sounds so exposed, splayed-open, that Johnny’s heart clenches, filling him with an immense need to comfort.

Doyoung eyes the pair critically and he speaks very slowly, like his tongue is heavy in his mouth, “But everyone knows relationships don’t last. What happens when both of you break up? Will we disband too?”

Johnny gulps, his heart plummets to rest somewhere in his feet. The thought of breaking up not once crossed his mind. He couldn’t give an answer. He doesn’t want to.

Yuta inhales before voicing out authoritatively, “Well, I’m okay with it. Plus if you wanna keep the relationship on the down-low, the press won’t suspect anything since you guys are bandmates.”

Jaehyun nods in agreement, trying to ease the tension. “Me too.”

Jungwoo and Taeil remain silent, side eyeing each other. Taeyong exhales a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, “Okay guys, let’s gather for a separate discussion. We can use my room for the time being—”

“How long?” a voice suddenly cracks.

Donghyuck, who has been silent the entire time, stands up grimly and towers over Mark. He looks straight at the elder.

“Oh um, about a month,” Mark stammers. His mouth instantly feels dry and quickly avoids his glare.

However, he senses something terribly wrong judging by the way the maknae clenches his jaw. Without warning, Donghyuck surges forward and strikes Mark’s left cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me first?!” He strikes him again, almost knocking Mark out cold. Donghyuck’s hands finds his way to the elder’s neck, grip tightening.

“Do I mean nothing to you?!” he screams. Mark chokes as his nimble hands tries to pry Donghyuck’s fingers away while his legs flail helplessly.

Jungwoo yells out in distress, pulling at his hair. Johnny curses as he grabs Donghyuck by the waist and shoves him away in one swift move. He lands on the floor with a thud. Johnny’s eyes are seething red at this point. He stands and forms a protective shield in front of Mark. The younger gasps for air, trying to calm himself down from the panic attack.

Taeyong and Taeil immediately pull Donghyuck away and leave the living room with the maknae still thrashing in their arms. The rest of the members are overcome by shock and bewilderment. Yuta places a comforting arm around Jungwoo while Doyoung eyes Mark, still writhing on the floor. Eventually, one by one shuffle into Taeyong’s room for the discussion as Jaehyun locks the door with a click.

Johnny cradles Mark in his arms, whispering soothing nothings into his ear. Gently, he carries and places him on the couch. Once his breathing regulates, Johnny checks him for any injuries. He sees red bruises blooming on his cheek and neck.

Carefully, he detaches himself from the younger and proceeds to the kitchen. A hand promptly fists in his shirt, leaning his forehead into the crook of Johnny’s neck.

“Shh, babe. Just going to the kitchen to get the ice pack,” he calms the smaller boy in his arms. The hand unclenches not long after, letting him go.

In the midst of the profusion of cold sweat and clammy hands, he feels himself slipping away into a vulnerable headspace, thoughts of dissent and disapproval from the members consuming his mind. Donghyuck’s screams ringing in his ears. Doyoung’s scrutiny prickling his skin. Jaehyun’s pity constricting his heart.

He wishes he could let it all go.

Johnny returns and places the ice pack cautiously on Mark’s cheekbone. “That’s definitely gonna turn purple tomorrow,” Johnny says as Mark winces at the cold.

It feels like eternity until the pair hears the door unlatch and the members tread their way into the living room. Mark sits up, still holding the ice pack on his face.

Yuta comes out not long after, pushing past Taeil. Johnny edges closer in his seat, silently pleading with his best friend for some good news. He knows Yuta feels his gaze from the way he bites his already chapped lips. But he adamantly maintains his sullen eyes trained to the floor and excuses himself to the bathroom.

Taeil approaches the couple and clears his throat, “Um— we’ve reached a consensus. As this is something new, we think it’s best that Mark moves back to the dreamies dorm for the meantime.”

Taeyong lets out a shuddering breath, “I’ve contacted Jeno, he said you can stay in his room and meanwhile he’ll room with Renjun.”

Mark blinks at the oldest, still grimacing from the bruises. “What? Why?”

“Because—” Taeil chokes, and looks to Taeyong for help.

“Because we don’t want to hear both of you fuck,” Donghyuck spits venomously.

The admission hangs in the air. Mark feels his world spinning, rapidly falling off its axis. _This is too much, too much at once._

Johnny stands up, riled up at this point. “Is that your only excuse? Do you think just because we’re a couple now, we have nothing better to do than fuck?”

Donghyuck sneers back, “Can you guarantee that will never happen in the future? I’m just looking out for our members, clearly you don’t know where your loyalty lies.” He’d drop all honorifics at this point. “Remember, the walls are thin.”

Jungwoo reaches for his arm but Mark flinches away. He sees Jungwoo’s hurt look for a split second before he’s fixing his eyes on the fight. Mark threads his fingers in Johnny’s, preventing the fight from escalating any further.

Taeyong receives a call from the manager and informs the members. “Manager says the van will be here in 10 minutes. We have to get ready for the event.”

“I’ll skip,” Mark announces to the others. Johnny looks at the younger, taking in how he sounds resigned and dreadfully sad. “Make up some excuse for me hyung, I don’t feel like going.”

“We’ll be back late though,” the elder replies worriedly.

“It’s ok hyung.”

Johnny wishes he could be there to comfort him but gives Mark the personal space he requires. “Get some rest, don’t wait up for me.” He places a gentle kiss on his forehead as he grabs his bag and leaves.

Unlike the members fading into the light as they exit the front door, Mark felt like he was slowly disappearing into the darkness.

☾☽

Donghyuck wakes up at an ungodly hour. He’s about to wash his face when he catches a glimpse of his insomniac appearance. His eyes are awfully bloodshot, his skin worn like he hasn’t slept in days. He runs his hands tiredly through his messy morning hair, recalling last night’s events.

The entire van ride home was painfully silent with Johnny calling shotgun and Donghyuck taking the backseat. The others were still shaken from the earlier outburst and remained quiet, refraining from taking sides. Taeyong seemed visibly upset, eyes trained to his phone as he scrolls.

Taeyong.

Donghyuck sighs, knowing the leader always takes it the hardest and blames himself for any setbacks. He wishes he didn’t have to resolve to fighting but apparently this was the only way to get through Mark’s thick skull.

It was longer than a month. Donghyuck noticed Mark’s change in behaviour, from flinching at lightest touches to getting defensive when questioned about avoiding Johnny. He brushed it off initially but it only took less than two weeks for the pair to reconcile like nothing ever changed. That’s when Donghyuck began to feel left out and spiralled into a downhill mess of self-loathe.

Mark would spend every waking hour with the elder. They could pass each other in the dorm and exchange not more than two sentences before Mark was all over Johnny again.

So Donghyuck decides to start hanging out with Taeil instead, going for dinners and karaoke together but it still doesn’t fill the void in his heart. He needed his best friend, but Mark didn’t even notice.

In a futile attempt to freshen himself, Donghyuck splashes cold water on his face roughly and heads out to the kitchen. After the mentally draining night, he needs the caffeine desperately.

He tiptoes out of the room, narrowly missing Doyoung who is curled up on the floor, buried in pillows. Doyoung decided to crash Donghyuck and Jaehyun’s room for the night, not wanting to disturb Mark. He closes the door gently behind him, soft snores echoed from a blanket-wrapped Jaehyun.

The maknae rubs his tired eyes as he heads to the kitchen for a cappuccino but a soft rustling interrupts his trip. A crumpled note rolls and stops by his feet. Groggy and confused, Donghyuck picks it up and reads the paper.

“This is all your fault. You know it too,” Johnny’s voice thunders through the bleak room. Donghyuck drops his hands away in frustration. _Can’t he get through one goddamn day without facing Johnny’s wrath?_

Johnny stares at him with resentment. Donghyuck simply re-crumples the paper and tosses it to the ground.

The elder scoffs sardonically, _is he even for real?_ Without warning, he grabs the maknae by the collar and slams him against the wall. Hot tears well in his eyes, “He’s your best friend. How could you do this to him?”

Donghyuck looks straight into his steely hazel eyes, refusing to let his guard down. “Me? This is your fault! All this happened because you guys started dating.” Saying the word aloud made Donghyuck almost gagged in his throat.

Johnny feels the bones in his body give up and his shoulders slump in desperation, “Why are you doing this?” he mumbles, finally. “Don’t you realize you’re hurting him?”

“Maybe it’s better this way,” Donghyuck mutters under his breath but Johnny catches it anyway.

That really sent him to the edge. He starts punching Donghyuck while the younger retaliates, kicking his shin. The members are slowly awoken from the yelling and commotion. Upon seeing the fight, Jaehyun lurches forward, stepping in between them while Doyoung holds Johnny back. Jungwoo blocks Donghyuck from Johnny’s view, before he could send any more abrupt punches to the younger.

Taeyong picks up the paper discarded on the floor and scans the note. His face turns pale as he gazes at Johnny, bottom lip trembling because _no, this can’t be true._

Johnny solemnly nods at the leader, “Yeah, it’s true. Mark has quit NCT.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got my shit together after vacation and posted this chapter, sorry it took so long guys!  
on the flip side, the boys were stunning and absolutely killed it at the EMAs 💚  
johnny in a suit is my weakness ugh


	5. Chapter 5

_Johnny,_

_By the time you read this, I would’ve probably left but it’s only right that I explain myself. You know, I really thought things would turn out better once we didn’t have to hide our relationship anymore but like everything that I have done so far, it has only gotten worse. I’m truly sorry I got you in this mess with me. I’ve already packed my bags and I’m leaving tonight, <strike>god this is so hard.</strike> I need some time to figure things out. Don’t worry about me too much hyung._

_Please don’t come and find me. I really need this._

_Missing you already,_  
_Mark_

☾☽

It’s been exactly one and a half weeks since Mark Lee’s disappearance. Johnny still remembers the day they broke the news to their manager. He recollects the moment his face drained of all colour as the manager speed dialled SM Entertainment Headquarters. Needless to say, the board of directors flipped out and immediately halted all public activities and promotions.

The members were set under house arrest, only given permission to go out for dance practice and recording sessions. In the mean time, SM personnel have been investigating Mark’s whereabouts internally in an attempt to keep local authorities unaware before it becomes national news. However as the days pass by, they began to realize it was turning into a wild goose chase instead.

Though the members continued their daily schedule as usual, everyone was clearly in distress and had different ways of dealing with Mark’s departure. Taeil ditched playing his guitar and took out his frustration by working out constantly.

Jaehyun began festering emotional attachments to inanimate objects, projecting his feelings to Mark’s belongings. He tried to physically stay away from Mark’s items but at times it was unavoidable. Doyoung noted that things escalated really bad the other day when he accidentally dropped Mark’s plate while drying the dishes. The elder found him crying on the cold kitchen floor for an hour, clutching the shards of ceramics in his hands.

Jungwoo started developing nightmares and sleep paralysis, feeling helpless as he watched the fight replay in his mind. He would wake up screaming, drenched in cold sweat. Yuta would sponge him each time after, lulling him back to sleep.

On the other hand, Taeyong and Johnny were fervently on the lookout to track Mark. At one point, they contemplated whether to inform his parents but decided against it, not wanting to alarm his parents about the news especially when nothing is confirmed.

According to their manager, SM is still unable to track Mark’s location because he didn’t bring his mobile phone or any electronic devices that would give off his signal. He has also somehow managed to avoid any surveillance cameras around Seoul, which meant they had to extend their search outside the city.

One sleepless night after another followed, as Johnny frantically searched for Mark. His meals slowly left cold and forgotten on the dining table each day. His immune system started to take a toll on his body but Johnny ignored the signs. Immediately after practice, he would head back to the dorm and start researching for any information online that would help him find the younger. He even searched every nook and corner of Mark’s room for any indication of clues where he might go but to no avail.

It was a Thursday when Taeyong returned from the recording studio past midnight. Unsurprisingly, he found Johnny still in the same position before he left; slumped in bed with his strained eyes glued to the laptop.

He approaches the ebony-haired boy, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Hyung, that’s enough for today. You should go to sleep.”

“Ten more minutes, almost done with this,” he replies without taking his glance off the screen. “I found a missing-persons’ website that could track if someone has gone missing. I’m on the hotline with this lady and she says–”

“Johnny, the company is already looking for him,” he interjects wearily, a frown slowly forming at the corner of his lips.

Johnny breaks his gaze from the screen as he pushes at the fringe that keeps falling over his eyes. “Well they aren't doing a very good job seeing as how they haven’t found him yet,” he snaps.

Taeyong lets out a sigh, hands gently closing his laptop. Johnny’s fingers continue typing in protest, the aggressive tapping echoes through the room. He reluctantly gives in as the screen slowly shuts down.

Johnny stares vacantly at the blank screen in defeat. He sniffles, “Yong.”

The younger hums in reply.

“What if he’s kidnapped? Y’know, someone must’ve recognised him by now and kidnapped him to ask SM for ransom. What if they’ve hurt him? What if by the time we find him, he’s–” he chokes as his words caught in his throat.

Taeyong quickly pulls Johnny into his arms, feeling the elder’s walls crumble down. He could sense his exhaustion physically kicking in.

The elder spends the rest of the night crying into Taeyong’s chest.

☾☽

Someone rustles his blanket above, warm sunlight peeking through the window. The delicate patting eventually wakes Johnny from his heavy slumber.

“Johnny, we gotta leave in fifteen for dance practice,” Taeyong states, his voice soft and patient.

At that, Johnny turns to look more clearly at him, blinking back the sleep in his eyes. The elder groans in reply, “I don’t feel so good, Yong.” Taeyong raises a brow, reaching out to check his forehead and neck.

“Hyung, you’re burning up. I think you should rest for today. We’ll come back to bring you lunch.” Taeyong swallows, reasoning his fever must’ve been from all the late nights fuelled by incessant anxiety.

Johnny sits up slightly and reaches for the leader’s hand. “It’s ok, there’s some leftovers in the fridge,” he feigns a cough, “I’ll just heat it up.”

Taeyong’s gaze still lingers, reluctant to leave. Johnny reads the hesitancy in him so he sends a half-smile to reassure Taeyong.

“Call me if you need anything hyung,” the leader responds, slinging his duffel bag as he leaves.

Just as the doorknob shuts with a low click, Johnny quickly discards the hot packs stuck on his body. Man, he’s been sweating for only ten minutes but his blanket feels like a sauna under all the trapped heat.

He showers quickly and gets dressed, grabbing his backpack in one hand and a map in the other before bolting out the door.

Mark would be a fool to think Johnny wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth to find him.

☾☽

The boys were scattered across the dance floor after a gruelling round of practice, their footwork messy and mind distracted. Everyone was currently consuming the lunch their manager had delivered. By now, the hyung line would burst out in laughter and chatters but there was barely a silver of sound in the room except for the loud noise of the whirring ceiling fan.

Yuta had just finished his lunch with Jungwoo in the corner. He spots his friend’s emptied container and reaches forward, “You done?”

Jungwoo looks up and nods with a smile as the elder collects his tupperware and disposes it before heading to the bathroom.

A loud masticating sound breaks his train of thought. His smile fades when he sees Donghyuck gnawing at the steak while watching a show on his phone, unaffected by the tension in the room.

Jungwoo reaches forward and yanks his earphones out. Donghyuck gapes at the blonde and is about to protest when Jungwoo speaks, “Why do you hate him?”

Donghyuck shuts his mouth and deadpans, “I don’t hate him.”

Jungwoo states matter-of-factly, folding his arms into his chest. “Well you wouldn’t have punched him if you didn’t. Seriously, this is worse than the fight you guys had two summers ago.”

Donghyuck winces at the memory he brought up. Things had gotten so bad previously that they couldn’t bear to stand next to each other. He still remembered the part change during We Young’s choreography because just the thought of having to initiate physical contact was infuriating.

The maknae’s lips downturned into a scowl. “This time it really isn't my fault. Do you see the way he treats us now that he has a—” Donghyuck bites back on his words, unable to finish the sentence.

“That’s normal you know, couples are usually like that during the honeymoon phase.”

Donghyuck feels a rush of hatred so acute for the words Jungwoo’s uttering that he chokes on it. He stabs his fork into the beef, fists curled at his side. “No, you don’t get it. Mark’s not like that,” he hisses back.

His amber eyes blazed with rage and Jungwoo can feel his glare burning into his eye sockets. But Jungwoo’s intention wasn't to fight, he wants to fix.

He breathes in, regaining composure. “But that’s not what he feels right now. He wouldn’t have run away if everyone didn’t act so rash after their announcement. He must’ve mustered a lot of courage to let everyone know about their relationship.”

Jungwoo’s chestnut orbs soften, trying to rationalise with the other but Donghyuck retaliates, “You don’t know what he feels. You don’t know him like I do,” he exerts his dominance. His possessiveness gripping on Mark’s throat like a collar, personally branded for himself.

The elder is at a loss for words. There’s no point trying to convince someone who refuses to listen. He grabs his crossbody bag as he stands up to leave. Jungwoo sighs, his eyes trained helplessly on the younger’s face, “Just be sure to make up with him, before you lose him forever.”

☾☽

He had it all planned.

All he had to do was research for all the bus routes leading to the outskirts of Seoul, call in sick the next day, sneak out of the dorm past security, spend the first half of the day travelling to the east of Yangpyeong and the rest of his day down south to Jeonju, bearing in mind to return home before dinner.

Yet somehow, he has managed to get lost three times by taking the wrong bus, missed a stop and almost got recognised by fans. He also nearly left his map in the bus while dozing off, before an elderly man returned it to him. Johnny tried searching each area he passes through but with every stop the bus makes, the hope he carried in his heart slowly diminishes. Doubts disguised as bugs began creeping underneath his fingernails, slithering through his skin as the paranoia punctures his veins.

He had it all planned, and somehow he still managed to fuck it all up.

Johnny stares out the bus window, picking at his cuticle. Perhaps he really didn’t think this through. How was he possibly going to find his boyfriend amongst the thousands and millions of people all by himself? SM had hired the best private investigators in the country and even they had returned with barely any positive leads.

The warm sunset glow reflects against the window onto Johnny’s face, reminding him to return home before his members report a second missing person’s case. He sighs heavily as his search for Mark was thrown into the dust. The ebony haired boy shoves the crumpled map into his backpack haphazardly. Maybe he’ll enlist Taeyong’s help the next time, once he comes up with a better plan.

His stomach growls obnoxiously, interrupting his thoughts. Okay, he’ll return home right after he grabs a quick bite. He spots a quaint little shop whirring past his vision. Immediately Johnny presses the button, alerting the bus driver to come to a halt as he exits.

The bus speeds away as he steps down, causing a cloud of dust to rise in its wake. He coughs thickly, choking on the smoggy air. Johnny vaguely makes out the bakery signage in the distance.

The bell chimes cheerfully as the ebony-haired boy enters, greeted with scents of toasted pecan and smooth velvet sugar cookies. Despite not having a customer in sight, the bakery is fully stocked with endless rows of bread and cakes displayed.

His stomach grows impatient and growls again louder. He clutches his sides and randomly picks out a melon bread. He taps on the counter bell as he digs his backpack for his wallet. His brows creased after a minute of searching. _Shit, don’t tell me it was on the bus seat_, he wonders aloud.

“Coming!” a voice calls out from the kitchen followed by the clattering metal tray being set down.

The cashier comes out decked in a blue collared uniform with a low brim cap and scans the bread packaging. “One melon bread, would that be all sir?” the voice asks as he enters the amount on the register.

Johnny begins frantically unzipping all compartments in his bag, “Yeah, just gimme a sec. My wallet should be in here somewhere…” his voice trails off, but there’s something odd hanging in the air. Something familiar.

Autumn brown orbs lifted to meet warm mahogany ones.

And suddenly the bakery is enveloped with a sweet fragrance of strawberry waffles and warm bergamot. The scents of home.

“H-hyung,” Mark stutters, blinking back the astonishment. “How did you find me?”

Johnny releases the grip on his backpack as his hands fall uselessly at his sides. “I didn’t. I tried looking for you from Yangpyeong all the way through and somehow found you here.”

The air is quiet but there was no hint of awkwardness or tension. Only comfortable reminiscences.

“Mark, I thought you were dead.”

The younger’s hand trembles at his words and sets the bread down on the counter. He scans the backroom for a moment before quickly pulling Johnny away into the kitchen.

The kitchen is a little run-down with old equipments but still clean and organised. He sees piles of dough in a corner along with a fresh tray of cinnamon buns. Seems like Mark is the only employee, he wonders how he’s being running the whole bakery by himself.

“I’m sorry I had to cut off all contact points, it was the only way for me to escape and somehow I ended up here,” Mark begins, leaning against the stainless steel baking table. “Found an old gramps that needed help with his bakery and I told him I could work for free. He also allowed me to help myself to any leftover cakes which is always a plus.”

But the confusion and worry still resides on Johnny’s face. “You shouldn’t be so trusting, Mark.”

The younger breaks into a small smile as he removes his cap and sets it on the table. “Don’t worry, no one recognises us here. They barely have tv or internet.”

Slowly, Johnny connects the dots. Being in a rural area mostly composed of retired elderlies definitely negates the chances of being recognised by the media and fans. It’s the perfect place for Mark to hide out.

Mark mindlessly twirls the whisk in his hand as he continues, “The calmness of the countryside helped me to reorganise my thoughts, put things into perspective. Back in the dorm, there was too much noise. Too many deliberations at once. Everything I felt was a contradiction of itself and I didn’t understand any of it.”

Johnny takes this time to examine the younger. He could see Mark was doing better. A healthy glow has returned to his face with soft rosy pinks dusting his cheeks. His smile appears brighter too.

But Mark’s smile dims noticing his boyfriend’s current state, hair disheveled and cheekbones a bit more prominent than usual, which could only mean that he’s been skipping his meals.

The smile he forces digs into his cheeks but the tiredness in his eyes tells Mark otherwise. “Were you planning to stay here for good?” he asks, biting his chapped lips.

The younger shakes his head immediately as he scoots next to the elder on the floor. “No way, hyung. I’d miss not being able to rap or perform. Also living on cakes and bread alone isn’t exactly doing well for my weight,” he chuckles.

Mark’s face eventually turns serious, reading the exact thoughts on the elder’s mind.

“I miss you too.”

Those four words opened the floodgate of tears, Johnny slowly drowned in sobs and hiccups. His hands fly up to cover his face, quickly wiping the stray tears. For the first time, Johnny breaks down in front of Mark. He’s never seen the elder so vulnerable and wounded. To him, Johnny has always been his pillar but failed to realize that he was Johnny’s anchor.

“I really thought I lost you, Mark,” he tells him quietly.

The smaller boy leans into the crook of his neck, feeling hot tears dripping down from Johnny’s face onto his cheek. “It was only for awhile, I was going to come back–”

“It has been so hard without you,” the taller boy interjects, his voice wavering. “Do you know how unbearable it is to wake up each morning, knowing you’re not in the band anymore? Knowing you’re not with me and I cannot do anything to protect you?”

“Johnny…” the younger trails off, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on Johnny’s cheek.

“Ever since the fight with Donghyuck, I was placed on stricter supervision. The manager reported my behaviour to the directors and as a punishment, they revoked my lines for the next comeback.”

His eyes shot up in bewilderment at the statement, breath uneven, twisting his fingers in Johnny’s shirt. “What? That’s not fair! T-they can’t do that!”

“Honestly I didn’t care,” Johnny’s throat closes up. “I was more broken that you were missing and SM didn’t do shit to find you. So I had to prove that I was willing to make the band work in order to get security off my case. I needed you.”

Mark’s voice is small and uncertain. “Do you really though?”

“What do you mean?”

Mark refuses to cry as he brings his wet, mournful gaze up and Johnny feels the edges of his heart burn. “All I’ve been doing is screwing things up. Look at us now. Perhaps, things would’ve been better if you were with someone else. Someone more experienced. Someone who didn’t cause you such pain.”

He lets out a frustrated sigh, his eyes turning steely dark. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

He takes Mark’s hand in his and places it on his chest. “It doesn’t hurt now, because I’m with you.”

They breathe together for long moments, Mark still pressed into his neck, more of a comfort factor than anything at this point. Mark swallows thickly, the sorrow that he's carefully kept at bay threatening to consume him whole. “Sometimes I think back to that night Taeyong locked us in the room. And, I never really knew how you felt at that moment,” he begins carefully. “Sometimes it feels like you’re protecting me by obliging my feelings.”

He must feel Johnny’s confused gaze down at the boy in his arms, so he adds on. “Sorry, I know it sounds really stupid but it’s just been on my mind lately.”

Johnny cups his face and looks at him dead in the eyes. “I may have only fallen in love with you when you confessed, but I have always loved you from the start.”

A pang of guilt stings Mark’s chest realizing how selfish he has been, running away while Johnny fends off the others. Protecting their relationship and Mark’s dignity. He might not be as strong as the elder, but for him, he’ll try.

Mark surges forward, crushing Johnny into a hug. “I love you too, hyung. I’ll never leave you again. Promise.”

Johnny closes his eyes tightly and hugs him back, his grip just as tight. Believing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof this took me awhile but its here heheh  
also our boy got EMPLOYED YASSS 🙌🏼  
so glad johnny's been added to the cast of the new football reality show 🥰  
hope ur day has been well and thanks for reading!!💗


	6. Chapter 6

Mark re-awakes from his slumber on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Nothing feels better than a day off, being able to sleep in after lunch while still dressed in an oversized dark green hoodie and shorts.

He rubs his eye groggily, muffling a yawn as he heads to the kitchen where he hears a soft humming amongst the crackling of pan against stove. Mark catches a whiff of aromatic fresh herbs and savoury dishes.

The moment the younger slides into the chair he’s served an enormous platter of food. Various banchans of egg rolls, vegetables and marinated poultry surrounded the large bowl of kimchi-jjigae. Piles of deep fried potatoes that could keep a family going for a week. A tureen of cubed watermelon sits in ice to keep it chilled. To top it all off, two glasses of his favourite banana milk.

Mark looks up, unamused. “Hyung, it’s only been three hours ago since lunch.”

Taeyong, decked in a striped apron, places the sizzling steak hotplate on the dining table, adding to the plethora of dishes. “I know but I missed you so much!” he replies, happy that he now has a chance to cook for his dongsaeng. “You’ve gotten so skinny!”

“No I haven’t, if anything I’ve gained weight due to all the desserts,” he glances down and rubs the swell of his tiny belly.

“But still…” Taeyong trails off, returning to place the frying pan in the sink.

Yuta sniggers as he passes by, flashing his signature grin. “Don’t mind him, the bleach has probably gone to his scalp.” He rustles the leader’s locks before mindlessly opening the fridge for like, the tenth time.

Taeyong pouts, eyeing his freshly-dyed frosted blue hair. At this rate, he would probably run out of colours in the spectrum to dye his hair. Mark laughs and smiles gratefully at him. “I think it looks nice, thanks for the food hyung.”

“Yeah thanks for the food hyung!” Jungwoo rushes in and picks up a fork but Taeyong lightly slaps his hand away.

“This is for Mark, he hasn’t had a proper meal in so long.” Jungwoo frowns but Mark secretly feeds him a generous portion when Taeyong’s back is turned.

The blonde swallows the huge spoonful and returns his attention to the leader. “Ah fine, I feel full anyways. Probably had too much of Mark’s love for breakfast,” Jungwoo retorts and wiggles his eyebrows. The younger cringes and proceeds to flap his hands around like the crackhead he is.

It has already been five days since his return but the members haven’t stopped doting on him. He was greeted with warm hugs and pecks upon his return after having clarified with SM that he didn’t actually intended to quit but rather needed a short break. Surprisingly the company took it pretty well and were glad Mark returned unharmed and safe.

The members were beyond ecstatic seeing Mark at their doorstep that day. They began treating and taking care of Mark better, even offering to switch rooms for Mark and Johnny to be roommates. However, the younger politely declines, saying that it won't be necessary as they’re all still friends. Nothing has to change.

The door swings open as Johnny enters and plops his gym bag on the floor. His autumn brown eyes widen at all the food displayed on the table.

“Wow, was I not invited to this party?”

Mark laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, Taeyong-hyung cooked too much again.”

The elder nods in understanding. “Oh in that case,” he trails off, reaching for a plate himself and grabs the egg rolls closer to him.

“Ah hyung, didn't you just get back from the gym?” Mark questions as he slurps the spicy stew heartily.

The elder raises a brow. “Yeah, so?”

“You can’t eat immediately after working out,” Mark advises his boyfriend. From the corner of his eye, he spots Yuta opening the fridge for the eleventh time. Taeyong approaches from behind and whacks the back of his head, scolding him for letting all the cold air out.

Johnny waves his hand in the air as a gesture of brushing it off. “It’s fine, that’s the whole point of exercising anyways. The more you work out, the more you can eat, and in my case, I think I’ll have three plates.”

Mark clutches the side of the table and tips his chair, almost rolling on the floor in peels of laughter. Johnny’s not sure what he said that seemed so hilarious but Mark laughing at the darndest thing is a common sight in this household.

He recovers from his laughing fit and snatches the beef from the elder, sticking out his tongue playfully. “Steak is mine!”

This time Johnny laughs and pinches his cheek adoringly. Mark looks to Jungwoo seated across him, inhaling his food and asks, “Where’s Hyuck?”

Jungwoo glances up after a long time, his mouth still full. “Oh, he’s practicing with Doyoung for a cover song in their room.”

Though Johnny and Mark’s relationship is currently going steady, Doyoung and Donghyuck are the only two members that still seem a little hostile and distant towards them. Mark brushes it off, understanding watching him and Johnny shift into lovers must be hard to grasp especially given they’ve been friends for so long. The younger gives them the time and space. He knows that when they’re ready, they’ll be able to accept him.

Mark stares fondly at the sight of his friends before him; eating, laughing and bickering in the dining room. Almost burning a mental picture into his mind to never forget this moment.

A certain tenderness trickles in his heart. Things had returned to the way it used to be.

☾☽

“Hurry up, hyung! I wanna see if anyone’s using the court!” Mark leads the way, pulling Johnny behind him as they run through the park.

The cool night breeze sweeps his jet black hair into a coif but the elder doesn’t mind. Especially since the scenic view of Mark erupting in giggles as they navigate their way through the floral paths appeared very movie-esque in Johnny’s mind.

Initially, Johnny didn’t know if it was because he longed for some quality time together or the six shots of caffeine talking when Mark decided on a whim to sneak out of the dorm for a late-night date at 2 am. Johnny’s always been a night owl anyways so he heads out without much protest.

Above the moon had waned to a slim crescent, a sliver of glowing white amongst the small stars decorated the vast night sky. The couple sat on the dewy grass as they enjoyed ramen by Han River. Save for the security guard patrolling, they were the only ones there which eased their mind. Mark then leans onto Johnny’s shoulder as they watched the brilliant rainbow light display by the Banpo bridge.

Johnny could see the younger was still pumping with adrenaline from the coffee and suggest he burn it off with a round of basketball.

“Mark, you gotta eat some more,” Johnny mentions as he dribbles the ball, switching between his hands.

The younger rolls his eyes but the smile still found a way to his lips, “We just had ramen, hyung.”

Johnny shakes his head, “No, that’s not enough.” Mark tries to take the opportunity to steal the ball but fails as the elder towers over him, shooting the ball into the goal. The elder laughs, “You’re so small, I could fit you in my pocket.”

Mark purses at his comment, he knows his bandmates still treat him like a child but the joke’s kinda getting old. “I’ve put on weight!” he sulks, effectively puffing his chest to appear broader in the process.

“I bet you could fit inside the basketball hoop if I threw you in,” Johnny teases, smile pushing his eyes up into little half-moons.

Mark pauses – stops from chasing the basketball as he catches the playful glint in the elder’s eyes. “No, no, hyung!” he yells and starts running in the opposite direction as Johnny chases him, laughing out loud.

The pair run in circles around the court before Johnny eventually catches Mark by the waist and spins him around. Mark is screaming in protest but laughing with glee. “Ah Johnny-hyung, put me down!” he playfully punches the elder’s shoulders. Slowly the spinning comes to a stop, but Johnny still keeps his arms wrapped around the younger.

Johnny’s brown eyes darken for a moment as he lets out a chuckle, almost a little sheepishly. “Uh Mark, don’t tell me that’s your…” his voice falters and shifts his gaze down to Mark’s sweatpants.

Mark furrows his brow, following the elder’s stare. He finally catches his drift and quickly shakes his head, cheeks starting to flush a light red. “No, no. Actually, um,” he pauses, scratching the back of his neck as Johnny places him back on the ground.

The younger fishes around in his pocket before pulling out a black velvet box. Johnny eyes his movements as he carefully opens it to display a pair of matching sterling silver bands, each encrusted with a small gem in the centre. He picks the amethyst one and holds it up for Johnny.

Something twists in Johnny’s stomach and they’re both quiet for a long time, ball forgotten in the corner. The world narrows to just the two of them. Mark clears his throat.

“D-do you like it?” he asks hesitantly.

Johnny replies, “Of course, my birthstone, right?” to which Mark nods happily. The elder accepts it fondly as Mark slides the ring on his finger.

He lifts his hand up, admiring hues of periwinkle rays reflecting from the gem against the fluorescent street lights. “I’m just surprised, we’ve never mentioned about getting couple rings before,” he answers.

Mark trains his eyes on the ground, kicking a stray pebble absent-mindedly. “I know, you don't have to wear it all the time. I just wanted you to have it anyways.”

The ebony-haired boy rolls his eyes, reading his feigned disappointment. “Of course I’ll wear it. Just wanted to make sure we’re not rushing into things,” he whispers as he tips Mark’s head back with his finger, gazing deeply into this mahogany brown eyes.

Beyond the glassy orbs, he sees his future. Wind blowing in their hair as they drive into the sunset. Performing in front of millions in sold out stadiums. Walking down the aisle with their bandmates standing as their best-men. _God, he can’t wait._

Mark threads his fingers in the elder’s. “We’ve been through so much with each other, even during the time while we were just friends.”

The night becomes colder, fogging up his breath as the younger adds on quietly, “And I've never wanted you any less, never wanted anyone like I want you – think I wanted you before I even really knew it myself.”

“What’s the occasion though?” Johnny inquires curiously, tilting his head to the side.

Mark steps closer and curls around the taller boy, an arm slinging around his neck. An unspoken understanding passes through them, a rush of contentment flows between them. He just gets him. Like no one else on the planet.

“Rely on me too, hyung,” Mark’s voice is muffled against his chest from where Johnny has his chin rested on his head.

Johnny hums, distancing just slightly from the younger. He picks the peridot ring from the case, and delicately slides it onto Mark’s ring finger, sealing the deal.

“Always.”

☾☽

_Beep!_

“Could you try that one more time? Make it tighter,” the producer presses the button and conveys the message to Johnny in the recording booth.

The ebony-haired boy nods, adjusting his headphones as he tries the line again. It’s just a couple of lines where his voice is layered in the background but he still strives for perfection.

The producer bobs his head lightly in approval. “Okay, that’s good. Mark, you’re up next.”

Johnny bows as he exits the recording booth. The rest of the members are memorising and rehearsing their lines on the couch. Doyoung and Jungwoo share a pair of earphones, tapping their foot to the song playing on the phone.

Mark gets to his feet and approaches the elder, clutching the lyrics in his hands. “Hyung, I didn’t do the doubling for this part previously. Should I make it stronger?”

Johnny’s brows furrows in deep thought as he vets through the handwritten lyrics, his brain accustomed to reading the slanted letters and words sloping across the page. The younger can’t help but notice how attractive Johnny appears as he analyses each rhyme.

“I think your tension and flow is good right now,” the elder reassures. “Let’s keep it like this.” Mark beams at him while Johnny gently pats his soft jet black hair.

Donghyuck eyes them enviously, before returning his focus on his song sheets. Mark enters the booth and listens attentively to the track playing through his headphones. He takes in a deep breath, about to begin his rap when the studio door swings open.

Unlike his usual casual wear, their manager was decked in a formal suit and dress shoes but something seemed odd. He only ever wore formal suits when attending meetings with SM Entertainment board members. His gelled hair stuck out at the sides, like he had been running through the streets in the cold morning wind. The double-breasted coat was unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around his collar.

From the glass booth, Mark sees their manager catching his breath and talking to the producer for a moment. The track then cuts abruptly in his headphones as the producer arises from his seat and bows before making an exit from the studio.

Mark takes his cue to leave the recording booth. He scans the room as he detects the collective sense of expectation, seeing the members just as clueless as he is.

“It's an emergency meeting,” their manager announces.

Without another word, he pulls out his phone and displays the screen. Everyone huddles in a circle around him, trying to catch a glimpse.

**[BREAKING]** **NCT 127’s Johnny & Rookie Girl Group Haeyoon spotted together and reported to be dating.**

The headlines emblazed in bold, almost mocking him. The unmistakable taste of asphalt lingers on Johnny’s tongue and his lips begin to dry rapidly under the cold blast of the air-conditioner. His mind races in overdrive, trying to recollect memories of meeting this girl – _Haeyoon_ – whom he has never known before.

Suddenly, he feels ten pairs of eyes staring right at him, waiting for an answer. He lets out a nervous chuckle, “Don’t tell me you guys believe this, it’s obviously fake.”

The manager catches his eyes warningly, “NCT has never had a dating scandal before. You better not be starting one now.”

But the elder’s voice is loud and clear and desperate, “No, I swear I’m telling the truth! How did this even happen?”

Yuta bites the inside of his cheek as Taeil reads the article aloud, “It says that you both were seen wearing the same ring and also rushed to help Haeyoon when she slipped and fell on the way to Music Bank.”

His autumn brown eyes darts around, slowly recalling the memory. The boys were on their way to the music program when a hoard of sasaeng fans bulldozed their way through, pushing some of the artists along the way.

He then spots a brunette girl beside him narrowly scraping her knees as she drops her handbag from the commotion. Purely on instinct, he gathers the items spilled out from her handbag before extending a hand.

“I didn't rush, I just happened to be passing by,” he clarified but the manager still seemed unconvinced.

“Who’s Haeyoon?” Jungwoo wonders aloud as the manager hands him the phone.

“I don’t know!” Johnny yells exasperatedly. “Never met her before in my life!”

Mark snatches the phone and pinches the screen to zoom. “Let me see the picture.” He had to hand it to Dispatch, the pictures seemed pretty convincing with the way it was angled. The girl gazing up dreamily as Johnny holds out a hand, helping her up. In the next picture, they were caught laughing together. An inset picture shows the close-up of the rings, the girl wearing a similar silver ring with two cherry pink gems and designs running across the band.

“That’s ridiculous,” the elder mumbles to himself. “The ring is from–” Johnny turns to Mark but stops his sentence mid-way. His eyes catches a sight of his boyfriend’s hand, ringless. An all-too-familiar sinking feeling returns. 

Taeyong takes charge and tries to calm everyone down while rationalising with the manager but the noise fades out in the background. All that is running through Johnny’s mind is the night where Mark proposed to him by Han River. He closes his eyes and tries to count his breathing against the onslaught of memories. It’s getting hard for him to distinguish what was real from what wasn’t.

He pulls the younger away from the others. Once out of an earshot, he whispers to Mark. “Where is it?”

Mark gently pulls his necklace out tucked under his collar. The silver peridot ring shines brilliantly as it hangs proudly on the younger’s neck.

“I developed a rash the night before after wearing the ring in the shower. So I decided to wear it as a necklace instead,” he explains. “Should’ve told you sooner.”

Johnny runs his fingers through his hair, he hadn’t considered that possibility before. “Shit, I’m sor–”

Mark hushes his boyfriend up immediately, “No, not your fault. I’m not mad at you.”

“Really?”

The younger runs a soothing hand down Johnny’s strong arm. “Yeah, honestly I’m more pissed at Dispatch manipulating the situation. I just– I don’t want anything bad happening to you.”

Their moment of comfortable silence was short-lived when a deep voice interrupted their thoughts. “Johnny, a word,” their manager motions for a private conversation as he heads outside. The elder grimaces immediately, preparing for the worst.

As Johnny closes the door behind him, he sees the manager’s gaze firmly fixed on his face expectantly as he folds his arms. Something in his eyes flares up.

“I don’t have to explain how damaging this is, you should already know.” He shows Johnny the endless frantic comments on social media from fans regarding the scandal, new ones pouring in with every refresh.

Johnny opens his mouth, but all that comes out is a strangled sound from low in his throat. He’s seething out cold air between his lips the way he does when he's getting ready to launch into a long-winded explanation.

“Stop,” his manager forewarns him quickly. “Y’know I expected better from you. While I’ve been working on getting you more promotions and appearances on reality shows, you’ve been fraternising with girls.”

“So you’d rather believe a fake news article than someone you’ve been working with for years,” the ebony-haired boy retorts bluntly. _Seriously, why the hell does he feel like everyone’s up against him?_

“Have some dignity. Don’t mess this up for your bandmates,” he scoffs, re-entering the studio to diffuse the situation among the members.

Johnny deflates, nodding quietly before realising he’s been left standing outside by himself.

More alone than ever.

☾☽

It becomes a thing.

After each show of their American leg tour, when all of them are buzzing with adrenaline and the rush of the crowd, they change, huddling in the dressing room until the security team tells them that the streets are cleared enough that they can leave. On their way back in the van, they’d play a round of rock, paper, scissors, with the loser having to turn his room into the hangout place for the night. Much to his dismay, Doyoung ended up the victim most times.

Yuta would then drag Jungwoo and Jaehyun to the pool while Taeyong tries to dissuade them but eventually becomes the first one to launch himself into the cold water. Taeil and Doyoung would enjoy the warmth of the jacuzzi before screaming bloody murders at the sudden rise in temperature and jumping out of the tub, eyeing the maknae trying to hide the thermostat in his hands.

The duo then chase the little brat Donghyuck around the pool while the younger futilely calls his other hyungs for help. Mark and Johnny would exchange deep conversations with drinks in hand, often bursting into laughters that echoes through the cloudless night as their legs swing off the rooftop’s edge.

Perhaps it’s the American air.

Everything was wild and reckless but euphoric and thrilling all at the same time. Not a care in the world. Mark breathes it all in for the last time, flight ticket in his hand before boarding the next plane home.

The fourteen-hour flight left everyone immensely jet-lagged. The boys tossed their luggages around the living room floor the minute they got back, not having a chance to unpack.

It was time for their weekly V-Live as the boys decided to have a sequel to the infamous cooking show. All except Taeyong and Mark who were called for a meeting with the managers.

“Ayee, I’m pretty good at this,” Donghyuck hollers as he turns on the gas stove while Doyoung is busy preparing the vegetables in the kitchen.

“You literally just boiled water,” Yuta remarks sarcastically at the maknae. Johnny giggles as he reads the comments and emojis flitting past the screen.

Jungwoo prances towards the elder, holding up a bag of frozen tteokbokki. “Jaehyun-hyung, can you help me with this?” The pink-haired boy smiles softly, ripping the plastic with his bare hands as he soaks the frozen rice cakes.

After struggling for the past ten minutes deciding which pot to use, Taeil eventually gives up and exclaims exasperatedly, “Ah, where’s Taeyong when we need him.”

Speak of the devil, the leader enters dragging his luggage tiredly. From the corner of his eyes, Johnny sees him trying to plaster a smile in front of the members as he approaches them. A black-haired figure suddenly bolts past Taeyong, running straight to his room. Johnny instantly leaves his station in the kitchen and follows after the boy. He twists the doorknob only to find it locked shut. Johnny begins knocking, calling after the younger.

Mark lets out a painful sob that can be heard even through the door, and Johnny’s heart lurches, “Mark? What’s wrong?”

The door remains shut, whimpers from the younger serving as the only response.

“Mark, baby please,” the elder begs. They had only been apart for two hours, so he couldn't imagine what had made him so upset.

A small creak resounds as the door opens. “Hyung," Mark mutters and Johnny reaches forward to wrap him in a hug, eyes screwed shut. 

“He knows,” Mark sobs, trying to get his words out. “I don’t know how but he knows, Johnny.”

There’s a scary note of finality in his voice and his grip on him tightens, breath coming in short, sporadic bursts because, _fuck_.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok my longest chapter so far! sorry for the delay guys but it's finally here woottsss  
also just about 1 or 2 more chapters until this story wraps up! hope you guys are excited😬🙌🏼  
tbh im super overwhelmed this month with christmas/ events but will push the next one out before christmas!!💚🥰


	7. Chapter 7

_“It hurts,” thirteen year old Mark Lee whined as his mother dabbed the saline-soaked cotton on his scraped knee. The younger collapsed on the floor right at the doorstep after a gruelling dance practice, unbothered that he’s still in his sweat-drenched varsity tank top as his matted hair clung to his forehead._

_“Nothing worth having comes easy,” his mother used to say as she cupped his tearstained cheeks with her soft hands, smelling of lavender. “I know you can endure this.” He wasn't sure if she was talking about the gash on his leg or the agony in his heart. Her dark brown hair cascaded past her shoulders as she wrapped the sterile dressing cleanly over his wound._

_She tousled his dark mane tenderly and whispered, “You can do it, baby lion. I believe in you.”_

But nothing prepared Mark for the present. This hurt magnified a thousand times more and the wounds pierced through layers deeper. And he doesn’t know if he can take it.

The elder’s lips tremble as he utters out quietly, “I- I don’t understand. We’ve been so careful.” Mark lifts his sullen gaze to meet the vacant stare from Johnny. He senses the elder going into shock; Mark has the same distraught look whenever he hears the earsplitting rings in his head.

Mark’s gentle but frantic touch brings Johnny back as he regains composure. He blinks, “What? When?"

The younger gulps as he explains, “He called Taeyong and I for the meeting. He started talking and I was freaking out, like, god, did you know they had photographic evidence of us?”

The elder shakes his head slowly in disbelief. His jaw clenches with urgency as he grips tightly on Mark’s sunken shoulders, “Okay, Mark don’t worry. You know they can't fire us,” Johnny consoles.

Mark’s bambi brown eyes prickles with hot tears as he gazes at the elder with forlornness because he knows what Johnny’s trying to do. “Hyung, no, this is serious. They said they’re gonna put you on hold.”

Another stab punctures his gut, making Johnny clutch his side subconsciously. Mark’s pacing by now, letting out little rushes of air with each step as he continues, “They’re gonna release a press statement saying you’re sick and need to be hospitalised and you won’t be promoting for the next comeback.”

_What the actual fuck._

His body jars with each blow, the pain sears through his tan skin and snatches away every feeling of safety left. The oxygen in Johnny’s lungs escapes rapidly at this point and he’s panting. _Shit,_ he didn’t train for nine years only to be put on hold. Strings of curses echo in his mind, mentally kicking himself for agreeing to work for a company that only seems to constantly fuck him over. 

But his focus shifts on to Mark, who isn’t doing any better either. The cold air dries up the tear tracks staining his cheeks, his droopy lids screams exhaustion. He knows upsetting his boyfriend in this situation won’t make it any better.

Gently, he threads his fingers with Mark’s, promptly noticing how blue the younger’s fingertips appear under the frigid atmosphere. “I guess that just gives me more free time to be with you,” he smiles through the bitterness, trying to lighten the situation.

Mark shakes his head again, if he knew falling in love would’ve turned out so heart-wrenchingly painful, he’d never laid eyes on Johnny from the beginning. He stammers for a moment, unwilling to break the other news. “Seems that they already thought about that. SM is creating another group with Taeyong-hyung, Ten-hyung, Lucas and myself with some other members. We have to start training and move out by tomorrow night into the new dorm.”

Johnny feels time stop around him and his knees goes weak. He’s really going to lose Mark this time. The elder’s grip on him tightens, afraid that the younger will run away again.

“Mark,” he steps closer, “We’ll figure something out, yeah?” the ebony-haired boy pleads with him.

It all falls to deaf ears though as Mark unthreads his fingers and flops his luggage on his bed with a heavy thud. Johnny watches helplessly as the younger flings out articles of clothing out of the closet into the carrier, catching the way stray tears drip on his packed shirt. He then sweeps all his belongings on the desk haphazardly into the luggage, unbothered to collect the remaining stationery spilled on the floor.

Johnny reaches out sharply to grasp the younger’s bicep, spinning him firmly back into his direction. His eyes burn with desperation, trying to emit a response from Mark. “I can probably sneak out of the dorm at night or meet you during practice? I mean, we still bump into the dreamies during practice and hang out after. We still– we can–” Johnny wrecks his brain for some other excuse but the deep recesses of his consciousness forewarns that the worse is yet to come.

Johnny cups the younger’s soft cheeks and searches for a glint of hope in his mahogany eyes.

But it’s impossible to look for something that cannot be found.

☾☽

The v-live ended around 9 p.m. with Taeyong calling everyone to the living room for an emergency meeting. He spends the next half hour explaining to the members about CEO Sooman’s plans for the new group formation and Johnny’s hiatus.

Yuta looks pained, “I don’t understand, why do we need another sub-unit?”

Taeyong pauses for a brief moment because, well he really doesn’t have a slightest clue. “All I know is CEO Sooman wants Mark and I to move into the new dorm as soon as possible for training to begin,” he exhales heavily.

Questions swim in Taeil’s mind but he remains silent, eyes falling sympathetically on thetormented couple seated in the far corner on the couch. Jungwoo tries to hide his watery eyes beneath his faded blonde bangs and whispers, “So we’re really losing three members, including our leader and core member?”

All that resounds in the dreary living room were heavy breaths and Mark’s heartbroken sobs against Johnny’s chest. Johnny is close to crying too but seems to be holding it back in front of the members.

Jaehyun asks tentatively, “Hyungs, how will we continue our next comeback without three members?”

Taeyong tries to reassure them, “I’m sure we can still divide our time and promote between groups. Manager-nim will organise the schedule for Mark and I.”

“But, without Johnny-hyung…” Jaehyun trails off hesitantly, fixing his eyes on the elder stroking the smaller boy wrapped in his arms. Taeyong reads his sentiments but there’s hardly anything that can be done at this point.

“This is all because Mark and Johnny are dating, isn’t it?” Doyoung suddenly voices out.

The lavender-haired leader whips his head at the statement, the others looking on as they sense an argument brewing.

Mark peeks from underneath strong limbs, following his gaze up to Johnny’s lips curving into a scorn. He squints at the vocalist, brows furrowed in disbelief. “Are you implying that this is our fault? Don’t forget who’s the one that is currently ripping our band members apart.”

Doyoung raises his voice, ignoring the way Jungwoo tries reaching out his hand in an attempt for him to stop. “And don’t forget who is the one that put us in! Did you think this life was going to be easy?” he shoots Johnny a death glare. “We signed up for it, we paid the price.”

Doyoung’s struck a nerve. Johnny starts to come at him, unravelling his protective hands from Mark and standing up. “Do you think I signed up and trained for nine years only to be put on hold under some false press? Hell, I’m not even making music at this point! I'm not performing or producing. The company has restricted everything I do. I have nothing left.”

Taeyong forcefully grabs the brunette’s arm, withdrawing him before the situation escalates further. “Doyoung, stop,” his tone is cold and uncompromising. 

But they’re too far gone, with Doyoung immensely riled up. “Company restrictions are necessary,” he seethes. “If there are no rules, we might end up doing things we’ll regret or taint the company’s image.” Johnny catches the innuendo dripping heavily from his tongue.

Mark wipes his tears furiously on the back of his hand, his erratic sobs subsided. His gaze fixate on Doyoung in bewilderment because, _these are the members he trusted with his life?_ The younger voices out ferociously, “How can you side with them? After all the unfairness that we faced together as a group, and you’re still saying this is our fault?”

Doyoung retorts, “Well it’s certainly not ours! We didn’t cause this mess. Things only started spiralling out of control when both you started dating!”

Donghyuck bursts out, “Stop it! It’s not their fault. It’s mine.”

A blanket of silence falls over them. Doyoung bites his tongue while everyone looks at the maknae incredulously. Donghyuck retreats slowly, afraid that Johnny might start punching him again.

His almond eyes dart around as he begins to reveal, “I didn’t think it was a big deal initially. Ever since Mark ran away, SM has been suspicious of his motives. Manager-nim said that if he doesn’t find out the truth, something even worse might happen.”

Mark feels _sick_.

“So I thought maybe I could make things better. I told the manager that you guys were dating,” Donghyuck continues, words soft, quiet, and devastatingly piercing. “I was just expecting him to scold you guys and tell you guys to concentrate then things will go back as usual. I didn’t expect that CEO Sooman will be involved in it.”

Jungwoo stiffens at the confession. Donghyuck feels an unexplainable fire of indignation boring into his back, he senses it’s probably from Yuta.

Nevertheless he breathes in again, admitting quietly. “I know, looking back at it now, it was a dumb move. But I was losing my best friend and you didn’t even notice,” he notions to Mark.

“Hold on, so Dispatch was a set-up too?” Johnny muses, not really knowing who to trust anymore.

Mark stutters, clearly baffled, “Did-did you really want us to break up?”

Donghyuck can't meet his eyes, staring at the threads running through the woven carpet. He stuffs his hands into the sleeves of his jumper, and for a single heartbeat, Mark feels terrible for neglecting his best friend.

“Did you even ask me how I felt?” Donghyuck asks. “I doubt you even care about me at this point.” he laughs but there’s no humour in it.

His words needle Mark, far from the truth. Mark steps forward, beckoning the maknae to meet his eyes. “First, it was forcing me to move into the dreamies dorm. Then the false rumour. Now, everyone is blaming us for this mess. So what’s it going to be next time?”

He grips Donghyuck’s shirt and twists in agony, “Do you want me to lose my goddamn mind?”

Donghyuck is at his wits end, tears sliding down his cheeks, “Do you think I wanted things to end up this way? To constantly get jealous? To keep believing you would come for me eventually but didn’t?” he scoffs. “Each day, I hate myself more and more.”

Mark feels his heart wrenched between his lungs. His voice strains, “Why didn’t you talk to me?

The maknae continues, “Tell me a time where you recall having a conversation with me. Not five minutes in and you would start looking for him,” he shoots Johnny a sharp glare.

“I tried, but you didn’t.” Donghyuck states finally, retreating back to his room and ending the conversation with a loud resounding slam.

There’s a moment of terrible silence.

Johnny sighs heavily. Taeyong gives Mark a sympathetic look and pats his shoulder hesitantly._ It’s time_, his sullen eyes reply.

Mark turns abruptly, facing his boyfriend. His facial expression is stoic, he doesn’t seem angry or about to rip Donghyuck’s head apart.

Johnny notices the way his fingers tremble as he slowly unclasps the necklace, reaching for the elder’s hand as the chain and ring pooled on his palm.

Realisation hits him like a truck. “Mark..?”

“I don’t think–”

“I’m not breaking up with you, Mark,” he quickly interjects. “Please, we can get through this.”

Mark shakes his head, “But I can’t. I’m not as strong as you.” He’s no lion, but a coward.

The younger’s eyes refilled with tears and he’s done a lot of crying lately hasn’t he? He’s not even going to pretend that it isn’t more than a little pathetic at this point. Johnny is probably getting frustrated with him, but really, he can’t help it. Not when it comes to his better half. 

“And that’s okay. I’ll protect you, please. I’m sorry you got hurt.” The elder pleads with him, hoping to change his mind. _He doesn’t understand, why can’t they keep trying?_

Mark notices the elder has run his fingers through his hair too many times that it’s starting to shape like a coif. Just like it did the night at Han River. He sighs heavily, wishing they could go back to those uncomplicated, lovely little days.

“Please take care of it for me,” his voice breaks, gesturing to the ring in his palm.

Johnny opens his mouth and he’s shaking, shaking from the hands that are gripping Mark’s up to the very tips of his spine. He wets his lips nervously, digging his free hand into the younger’s shirt, hauling him closer almost like a frantic last time.

“Mark, please- wait yeah.” Johnny’s voice is loud, hoarse, and panicked, “I will fucking launch myself into the sun. Just. Let me fix this - because I will fix it, Mark.”

The younger shakes his head again mutely and presses a kiss to his collarbone. “It’s okay hyung, it’s really my fault. I caused all of this mess.”

Johnny freezes in his spot because his heart seems to have choked off his vocal cords. Mark untangles Johnny’s fingers from his shirt, pulling off one by one. He gazes at the beautiful man in front of him and smiles dejectedly, what a privilege to have his heart broken by Johnny Suh.

“I should’ve just loved you from a distance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chap & epilogue will be posted together!
> 
> merry christmas & happy holidays loves :)


	8. Chapter 8

Mark was wrong before – he could have peaceful days. Because peaceful days meant waking up late to find Johnny already awake and left him his morning coffee on the bedside desk before heading to the gym. Doyoung and Taeyong would be making breakfast for their dongsaengs and hyungs in the kitchen before a sudden ruckus will erupt, courtesy of Jungwoo accidentally dropping the frying pan on the floor as Taeil nags and cleans up his mess.

Donghyuck, always dressed in his checked pyjamas and white socks, would cheer for Taeyong singing the elder’s “TY Track” theme song as the aroma of freshly baked blueberry muffins arises and fills the kitchen. Back in the living room, one can find Yuta and Jaehyun watching anime while lounging on the couch, with Doyoung yelling at them for leaving him out.

But the sights and sounds Mark had been so accustomed to is now replaced with brown packing boxes and vacuum silence. Sure, the new dorm consisted of highly polished marble flooring, individual tiles intricately placed and glossed to a smooth finish. White walls stood firm beside tall glass panels, displaying the magnificently green backyard. Their new dorm is three times larger and newer than their previous, but also felt significantly empty. 

“You ready to go, bud?” Taeyong questions as he enters the room, interrupting Mark’s inner thoughts. The younger shakes from his daze and nods, “Yeah, let me grab my stuff.” Mark slings his backpack and pockets his phone as he reluctantly follows Taeyong into the sleek black SUV.

Armed with security, the pair head up to the highest floor of the SM building. Taeyong scrunches his nose, the place smells like disinfectant and impending fear. One of the guards punches in the passcode and slides in the key card, allowing the members access into the conference room.

The leader enters the room gingerly, with Mark following behind like a baby chick. They find the rest of the Super M members already arrived. Taemin, Kai, Baekhyun were seated on one end with Ten and Lucas on the other.

A pale pink-haired Baekhyun greets the two members with a smile. Mark returns the smile, he doesn’t get to meet his sunbaenims often, mostly only during events or music programs. His glance trails from his respected seniors to meet the beady-eyed chairman seated at the furthest end of the table. Instantly, bile pools in his stomach as the younger gapes. He drops his gaze to the floor, bows hastily and reaches to quickly seat himself on the faux leather chair.

CEO Sooman scans the room weightily, like a predator stalking its prey. He stretches his neck to the left, the loud crack of his joints intimidates the bleak room. He clears his throat before announcing, “I’m sure you already know why you’re here, so let’s get right down to business.”

He shifts his focus to the middle-aged man on his right, decked in a full black suit and tie. The conceptualist blinks for a moment.

CEO Sooman taps his fingers against the polished brass table top. His mannerisms seem apathetic but his eyes instruct the man not to keep him waiting.

“Right, right. Of course,” the conceptualist stammers. Nervously tugging on his tie, he clicks the remote button. The projector immediately lights up with a huge Super M logo and the members’ figures displayed in the background.

He straightens up before beginning his pitch, “We’re approaching a new wave of Hallyu, with the demand spreading like wildfire globally. According to previous sales, 43% of the market shares were generated by the American audience. Hence, the way we will market Super M to fans is by introducing them as “the Avengers of K-pop”.

The young man seems pretty impressed presenting his idea. Kai squints at the tacky proposition.

“We have received the green light from Capitol Records to proceed with the futuristic concept,” he drones on as the phrase “We Are The Future” splashed across the screen. Flashes of members decked in the overused concept of fingerless gloves, harnesses and _oh,_ Taeyong feels suffocated at the extensive amount of faux leather.

The man awaits for a response from the chairman. He only answers with a slight tilt of his glasses.

Just then, Ten raises his hand warily. “So, when exactly do we start practice?”

The conceptualist glances at the Thai member before flipping through his notebook in swift motions, “Well, if everything goes according to plan, you can begin training together as Super M in a week’s time and promotion for the new album will commence next month.”

Lucas’s cedar orbs widen as he exchanges worried glances with his fellow member. Ten swallows thickly, “But, we have just finished recording our new album. WayV is scheduled for a comeback really soon.”

The Hong Kong native nods, adding on, “Yeah, manager-nim flew our entire group here for an interview today to promote our latest single.”

Ten mutters to his dongsaeng, “Guess we know why they didn’t want the others to attend this meeting.”

Taeyong steals a glance at his dongsaeng next to him, anticipating him to speak up being overloaded into three sub-units but all he sees are vacant eyes, staring into the void with his cold palms tucked between his denim-cladded thighs.

He tries not to notice the tiny blood vessels edging to his pupils.

The air grows thicker by the minute as the conceptualist tugs on his necktie. “O-okay, I know this might cause a little confusion at first but know we have everyone’s best interest at heart,” he begins, trying to alleviate the strain. “Once Super M becomes a major hit in the US and expands to Europe, SM will start phasing out the other groups.”

“What? You can’t be serious,” Baekhyun exclaims, his grip on the armchair tightens. Taemin’s pupils get wide with surprise and shock, mouth turning downwards in disappointment.

“This is not what we agreed on!” a sense of urgency rises in Kai’s voice. Lines of worry etched his forehead.

The conceptualist appears pensive, “Looking at it from a business point of view, this strategic move seems to be working in our favour and will boost up our sales–”

“–Super M is now our top priority. I suggest you follow according to what has been planned,” CEO Sooman’s voice is low and harsh, addressing the members. “After all, this is a meeting, not a discussion.” He folds his arms and dismisses any claims thrown at him, unfazed.

Mark watches as the uproar dies down with every syllable spoken from the chairman’s mouth. Taemin clenches his teeth. Lucas deflates, nodding quietly.

But the nagging feeling still eats away in his chest. Mark’s heart burns remembering the sight of the material hanging loosely off Johnny’s slender frame. He recalls those hollowed cheeks, tired eyes, pale smile.

_“I may have only fallen in love with you when you confessed, but I have always loved you from the start.”_

Damnit.

“Now adjourning to our next topic–”

A hand slowly rises, Mark biting down on his lips until he was given permission to speak.

The chairman places two fingers on his temple, sighing. “What now?”

He feels the gaze of his fellow members fall on him. Every inch of his body stiffens immediately at the unwanted attention. If the ground could swallow him whole, no better time than now.

Mark begins quietly, voice barely audible. “Sir, I’ll train with Super M and follow the schedule assigned, but can I please be allowed to move back to my old dorm?” he swallows, knowing this will expose his intentions. 

Taeyong looks on anxiously as Mark pushes his luck with the request. His exponential rise to fame (and spike in profit for SM Entertainment) meant that his position was the most secure and volatile at the same time. The leader wonders if the CEO would actually give in and prove his statement false.

The chairman narrows his eyes defiantly. “So that you can fool around again?”

_That would be a hard no, _Taeyong clenches his jaw.

Mark gulps. Instinctively, he reaches out to grab his chain, only to find his neck empty.

“I’m no longer with Johnny-hyung,” he states, trying to avert his focus from the way Ten’s jaw drops in shock. He knows that Johnny and Ten regularly keep in contact despite being based in different countries.

“So please,” he continues in a hushed tone, “there’s no reason to place Johnny-hyung on hiatus anymore.”

“I’m sure you were also aware that he went against multiple regulations during your period of disappearance,” the chairman reiterates, unwavering eyes exerting his authority on the smaller boy. “There’s always repercussions to actions.”

The younger bites down on his tongue until it’s drawing blood to force down his urge to shout, because as much as Mark is terrified of the man in front of him, there's a part of him – a very large part – that's still in love.

“B-but it wasn’t his fault,” he whispers. His hyungs traded glimpses of uneasiness and pity – and it grows into an itch, crawling up the younger’s skin before manifesting his entire being. Mark glances down at his arms, where he’d unknowingly left harsh red lines as his nails dragged through the skin with every unresolved plea. 

“He works really hard. Even during his spare time, he creates content for the fans instead of resting.”

But the situation left him dead in the water with the chairman appearing indifferent to his appeals, purposefully ignoring the younger and listening to the conceptualist explain about the work schedule instead.

Taeyong edges on his chair and leans towards Mark, curling around his lithe arm. “Shh, hey, wanna go out for some air?” he whispers out of an earshot. He must sense how suffocating the room felt at the moment.

Mark shakes his head adamantly, puffs of hot air expelling from his constricted lungs. No one is going to stop him this time.

Despite his vision blurred by the tears prickling his mahogany orbs, he meets the chairman's eyes square on because he’s _done_ keeping still.

Taeyong’s clearly taken aback watching his fingers slip from the younger’s arm as Mark slides onto the floor in a deep bow at the chairman’s feet. His tears create a wet pool on the carpet.

"Please," the younger gasps, sinking to his knees, "don’t punish him and everyone else for something I caused.”

He could feel someone – he assumes it’s Taeyong – tugging his arm to get him back up. The younger feels the tears overrun. Mark’s shaking, his erratic sobs echoes painfully, drowning out the soft beep that resounds in the room.

With his head buried in his arms, Mark awaits for a response – anything, really. The silence only amplifies the hammering of his heart in his ears.

His thoughts trailed to the ride back home on that rainy Friday night. Knuckles turned white as his manager tightened his grip on the steering wheel, lips continuously mumbling from the driver’s seat as he drums the lecture into Mark’s skull, something about being blinded by love instead of chasing his dreams.

And he remembers scorning out the passenger window, watching the fat droplets race each other down the tinted glass. _But what's the point chasing his dreams without the one he loves?_

“This is supposed to be a closed meeting,” CEO Sooman’s scratchy voice snaps the boy back to reality.

“Apologies, sir. I’ll escort them out at once–”

The chairman holds out his hand, silencing the security. He bows and immediately leaves the room.

Mark senses something wrong, eyebrows crossed in confusion when a pair of white sneakers emerge from his peripherals. He lifts his gaze from the shoes up those long limbs belonging to…_Winwin?_

He pinches himself but Winwin still appears to be staring back at him.

The Chinese native smiles softly, slinging his hand across Renjun’s shoulder while Chenle beams brightly next to his hyungs. Donghyuck shuffles into the room and joins them, smiling albeit sheepishly when he meets Mark’s glance. Yuta’s there too along with Jungwoo and before he knows it, all his 127 hyungs, Dreamies and WayV members are in the room.

It comes as a pleasant surprise seeing everyone there, especially his members that he most definitely missed post-moving into the new dorm. The room suddenly feels too small with all the members gathered.

He scans through the sea of hair colours for the unmistakable ebony-haired boy. Mark turns to Jaehyun, about to ask where his object of affection is when he spots him nudging his way through the crowd.

No matter how many times Mark tries to convince himself, it’s clearly impossible to stop his heart from racing at the sight of Johnny. He strides across the room and leans down towards Mark, still kneeling on the carpeted ground.

The younger’s dark lashes flutter at the proximity. Soft and refreshing, his eyes were the colour of earth kissed after spring rains. Swirls of auburn painted his iris, the hue that promises through seasons of drought or flood, his love remains unchanged.

Holding his gaze, Johnny notices the puffy eyelids with a fresh sheen of tears glistening his orbs and his heart shatters. There’s nothing more he wants to do than envelope him in a bear hug but restrains himself.

Mark blinks in shock as he rises but when he peeks back again at Johnny, the elder’s warm glance shifts into a hard look. Johnny fixes his gaze firmly on the chairman’s face.

“Mr. Suh, glad to see you here. Should we start discussing your transfer or straightaway skip to the termination of your contract?” CEO Sooman remarks snidely.

Being level-headed as he is, Johnny replies coolly. “I understand that your company thrives on unethical behaviour. As you seemed to be very concerned about your market shares, I wonder how another lawsuit will impact the company.”

Jaehyun stands beside Johnny, his arms folded in an authoritative stance. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Johnny chuckles as he adds on, “it probably won’t be hard to deal as you’ve had _prior experience_.”

Baekhyun and Kai snigger discreetly into their palms. Mark forgets to breathe, still mesmerised by the golden honey flecks speckled across his orbs.

“Get me his contract,” CEO Sooman barks at his assistant, growing annoyed by the minute.

“You mean this one right here?” Johnny holds up a stack of paper. “After finding out about your plans to disband our original teams, I recruited all the other members for a protest,” he announces, smooth and calm as all the other members eventually reveal their contracts, holding it up.

CEO Sooman straightens up in his seat, gripping the armrest. “What do you think you’re–”

The corner of Johnny’s lips turn into a smirk, “Wouldn’t it be ironic, to promote a group with no members?”

In a swift motion, he shreds the contract in half and throws it on the ground.

“Hyung!” Mark gapes at the pieces of paper, his mind sent reeling. _Wasn’t the whole plan to keep Johnny promoting in the group?_

One by one, the members begin ripping their contract. The room looked like a snow globe as the tattered sheets float in the air. Jeno bursts into laughter as he watches Jaemin fold the contract into paper planes and launches them in his direction.

Donghyuck cheers while wrecking havoc, tearing the papers into tiny pieces. He exchanges an apologetic smile when he meets Mark’s eyes. _I’m sorry hyung, you’re my best friend first before everything else. I’d never want to lose you._

Mark nods and smiles in return.

Taeyong suddenly rises from his seat and crumples his contract. His actions shock everyone in the room including the chairman.

“Taeyong-ssi!”

“Sorry sir, but I wouldn’t want to continue making music without my members,” he states, tossing it into the nearby trashcan. Taeyong retreats to stand next to Taeil who flashed a content smile.

This is his ultimate decision. Everything he’s been fighting for comes down to this last call.

Mark looks back and searches for a final reassurance in those amber eyes.

_It’s going to take a lot more than this to keep me away from you._

Mark intervenes then, reaching towards his contract laid on the table. His nimble fingers edge the tip of the papers, alarming both the conceptualist and chairman.

The conceptualist quickly crouches besides the chairman and whispers, “Sir, with all due respect–,”

CEO Sooman shoots him a sharp glare.

He gulps before continuing, “By eliminating just the core member alone, our shares will decrease by 26% and remain on our books. That loss would be greater than the current market capitalisation of the entire company.” 

Jungwoo bites his lower lip in anticipation while Yuta mutters a small _hurry up _under his breath.

“Stop!” CEO Sooman’s voice booms through the room, forcing everyone to halt their ministrations. Mark’s fingers have made a tiny rip on the papers.

His nostrils flare concededly. “Perhaps I didn’t think this through.”

There’s a long moment of contemplative silence.

Johnny presses his lips into a thin line as he awaits for CEO Sooman’s response.

The chairman clasps his hands together and rests on his stomach. “Since all of you are so adamant about this, I will disband the creation of Super M.” However he quickly adds on, “But just so you know, that means each of your next comeback will be more challenging.”

Taeyong immediately extends in a 90 degree bow, “We will work hard sir!”

Jisung’s almond eyes dart around, silently questioning his hyungs if the plan worked. Doyoung extends his hand and squeezes the maknae’s lightly in affirmation.

CEO Sooman opens his mouth but withholds his words. Looking at the current situation, it is clear he lost this battle. So he opts to clear his throat instead and announces, “Meeting adjourned.” The chairman exits the room with the conceptualist haphazardly gathering his materials.

Yuta is the first to break the silence with a loud cheer followed by Chenle’s shrieking dolphin laughter. Donghyuck complains about Chenle’s supersonic frequency giggles damaging his eardrums while Jaehyun simply claps his hands with glee. All the members envelop each other in a large group hug, celebrating the victory of returning to their original units.

Mark tries his hardest to suppress his smile. He presses his lips together then downturns the sides of his mouth. After the third failed attempt, he finally accepts and beams brightly. The happiest he’s been in a long time.

The managers decide to clear the rest of their schedule after a long day of negotiating. All the 127 members agreed to celebrate with unlimited kbbq and made their way to the van.

“Ow!” Jungwoo grimaces.

Yuta raises a brow, iced Americano in his hand. “What?” he mutters around the straw in his mouth.

He frowns and pinches his index finger. “I got a paper cut while tearing the contract.” Jungwoo pointedly puts his finger near the elder’s mouth.

“I’m not sucking that. Put a bandaid,” the Japanese native quickly retorts at the younger’s antics. He fastens his pace, leaving Jungwoo to continuously whine and call after him.

Mark and Johnny are the last ones to leave the SM Entertainment building, trailing behind the others. The small smiles playing at their lips tells that they couldn’t be happier to be back in NCT 127 and create music together, but their lack of eye contact indicates the nervousness lingering around each other.

“How did you find out?” the younger decides to break the ice first.

Johnny blinks at him, “About the disbanding of our original groups? Ten had a hunch that it would happen seeing at how his managers were so close-lipped about Super M towards the other members of WayV.”

He holds out the entrance door for Mark to exit before following him. Johnny’s mouth pulls into an involuntary smile and the younger bites down on his bottom to lip to hide his own.

“He helped coordinate the schedules of WayV while I recruited our members and the Dreamies for the protest,” Johnny finishes off his explanation with Mark nodding as he sorts out his thoughts.

Johnny’s palms sweat and he wipes them on the back of his jeans. He swallows, “So, the breakup was just a ruse. Right?”

His breath hitches and stops mid-step. “Hyung, I’m sorry. I never meant to end things with you but I knew it was my only shot to convince CEO Sooman.” Mark is reminded of the searing pain he caused during their last depart.

The elder’s eyes glisten as he reveals. “I’ll be honest, I was really hurt. Thought I screwed up for real this time.”

Mark breaks in, “No hyung, never. I-I’m sorry.”

Johnny shakes his head and smiles at him again, warm and soft and private. The evening wind takes the opportunity to mess up his gelled black hair. Mark reaches up to fix it almost absentmindedly but Johnny takes his other hand as well and then they're sort of just standing there, arms locked.

"What," Mark mumbles, trying to hide the fact that his face is heating with colour.

“Promise me something?”

“Hm?” Mark’s breathing is still steady but his heartbeat has increased dramatically.

“Come to me. For anything you face, just come to me and we’ll fight it together.”

The younger disentangles his fingers from those ebony locks, nodding silently as he picks on a stray cuticle. Johnny has a half-smile plastered on his face, the smaller figure in front of him reminds him of a child being reprimanded. 

Johnny reaches from his back pocket to reveal a familiar piece of jewellery and dangles it in front of the younger. Mark’s lips part at the sight and swallows the knot in his throat. Gently, he clasps his hands with the elder, slipping the chain on his neck as the peridot-encrusted ring displays proudly.

Johnny is there in a flash, crushing him tightly, bones slotting into place with Mark’s, heartbeat intermingling with love. The younger’s hands dangle helplessly at his sides for a moment, before deciding to rest on the small of his back. “Love you too much.”

Mark hides his smile in the elder’s broad chest, effectively muffling his voice, “I love you too.”

It’s different than their first time, but just as thrilling and beautiful. And Mark wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. They remain in an embrace, feeding on each others’ warmth and fondness before pulling away, not wanting to keep the others waiting too long.

“Hyung, during the meeting, I was thinking...” Mark trails off.

Johnny sees something lingering on the younger’s mind and tilts his head in question. He appears concerned at Mark’s serious face.

“Did you know if you say SuperM fast enough it sounds like sperm?” he says and starts giggling like a school kid.

Johnny sighs and rustles the younger’s matted hair as they enter the van. Maybe this kid will never grow up. But who cares, it’s his baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [epilogue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20358205/chapters/54007354) is up too!
> 
> (disclaimer: this work does not represent my personal view towards Super M. in fact, i actually enjoy their music. it was used simply because it fitted into the timeline during the story)


	9. epilogue

“Hello Joh-fam,” Johnny introduces as his face comes into view of the handheld camera. “Welcome to another episode of,” he lowers his voice to a whisper for maximum effect, “Johnny’s Communication Center.”

The sun hung low in the sky, soft rays shine through the last few hanging leaves illuminating the auburn and orange veins that ran through them. The wistful autumn leaves fallen by the roadside blended in with Johnny’s brown teddy coat.

“Today, we have a special guest,” he smiles into the camera, simultaneously checking out his hair that he doesn’t notice someone walking past him. The evening air was still crisp, the kind of cold that made you feel alive when you breathed it in.

“Dude, I’m here,” Mark’s voice derails his train of thoughts as he turns back to look at the younger behind him.

“Oh, Mark Lee is here,” he chuckles, wrapping an arm around the younger. “We are in New York, it’s currently cold,” Mark shivers despite having a beanie and a black padded jacket.

November was ending. It was one hell of a ride to say the least but everything seemed to be looking up ever since the disbandment. All the members were thriving promoting in their respective units, Johnny has wrapped up their final NCT Night Night session with Jaehyun and the 127 members just performed at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

The leaves crunched beneath their feet as they strolled down the street towards the lake. “Whoa look at the lake!” Johnny exclaims in excitement, rotating the camera to capture a clear view of the glimmering waves. He suddenly retracts, “I think this is a lake, right? Or a pond? I think it’s a big pond!”

Mark laughs out gleefully, the frigid air fogging up his breath. “A big pond? Really?” Johnny simply giggles and nods.

The skyline shines just as bright as the ecstatic smile on the elder’s face. Johnny leans back on the railing, angling the camera as he observes the scenery behind him through the viewfinder.

“Look at how beautiful New York is!” Johnny’s thick brows raise in amazement, watching the ships appeared minuscule from a distance. But Mark gazes up at a more beautiful view, mesmerised by the way the sunlight behind the elder illuminates a soft glow around his silhouette.

He stands on his tip toes, leaning forward and stealthily steals a kiss on Johnny’s soft cheek. The elder giggles, half-startled and accidentally shakes the camera in the process.

“I think that was recorded,” Johnny mentions sheepishly, the tip of his ears turning a light pink. He hopes he can blame it on the cold weather instead.

Mark ponders for a moment. “Guess it’s time for the editing fairy to shine,” he says as he makes snipping motions with his hands. The two burst into another fit of laughter.

As late evening approaches, the pair headed into the Plaza Food Hall to avoid catching a cold. A glorious spread of local food that they’ve missed after living in Seoul for ages. Johnny slurps on his mushroom soup while Mark requests for the tartine (his flawed logic behind ordering the dish was because it sounded _fancy_ and that he loves to roll the “R” each time he pronounced the word).

“Do you know it’s actually been a year since JCC came out?” Johnny quizzes Mark.

The younger lets out a loud whoop, disregarding the fact that they’re in public. Typical Mark Lee behaviour.

“Remember that time you were also like, “This isn’t gonna last long?”

Mark chokes on the bread and quickly punches his hyung for outing him. “You’re gonna expose me? You’re gonna say that now?”

Johnny laughs, his gelled hair is slightly mussed after walking through the evening breeze. Mark’s mahogany orbs glimmer under the warm amber light as he perches his chin on his hand. His head tilts ever so slightly, admiring the way the few strands of hair fall out of place but still frames his face perfectly.

“Can’t believe it’s already been a year.” Johnny reaches for his hot chocolate and raises it in a toast.

Mark clinks his cup with the elder’s. “Cheers. Happy Thanksgiving,” he announces before bringing it to his lips. “Happy one year anniversary,” Mark adds on in a softer tone but loud enough for Johnny to catch it.

The elder glances at him, thinking that he meant the one year anniversary since JCC first began but the playful glint in his eyes indicates something else.

“Mark, tell the fans something you’re grateful for this Thanksgiving,” Johnny puts him on the spot as he hands him the camera.

The younger hastily swallows the bread he was still chewing and clumsily grabs the handheld tripod. “Umm,” he trails off, “of course the fans, we’ve got to travel so much this year because of them. And I hope that next year, we will get to visit even more fans around the world as our way of thanking them personally for their continuous kindness and support.”

He shifts his focus over to the elder who was busying himself with the last spoon of mushroom soup. “What about you, hyung?”

Johnny fake ponders for a moment, looking up to nowhere in particular before meeting Mark in the eyes. “I’m not sure,” he replies as he leans in towards the younger and lowers his voice to a whisper, “but I can give you something to be thankful about.”

_Is he sitting on a chair or a stove because his entire body feels like it’s on fire._

Mark places the camera down on the table to avoid capturing the blush dusted on his cheeks. “And what exactly is that?” his lashes flutter curiously.

The corner of Johnny’s lips upturn into a smirk, “I think you know exactly what I mean, babe.”

Mark fists the corner of his shirt involuntarily.

“But you have to ask,” the words drawl from his mouth as he nonchalantly takes another sip of hot chocolate.

“Ah hyunggg,” the younger whines, fingers curling around Johnny’s bicep and shakes him. However, the elder sucks in a gust of air in an attempt to contain his laughter. Mark pouts when he realises that Johnny isn’t planning on giving in.

Suddenly the smaller boy becomes hyper-aware of his surrounding, scanning around to observe if anyone overheard their conversation. Johnny glances at his boyfriend expectantly. Mark gulps, “C-can I have a kiss?”

The elder pauses for a while. “Actually, I’m kinda tired,” he fake yawns while stretching.

Mark pushes his chair back and gets up abruptly. “Can we get the bill?” he calls out to the waiter.

Johnny laughs adoringly at his baby, grabbing him by the waist and sits him back down. “You look so flustered,” he replies and Mark feels like he’s going to die of embarrassment.

Ignoring the way his face reddens at the elder’s comment, he huffs out, “Well obviously! How do you expect me to react–”

Johnny slots his lips with Mark’s in a deep kiss, moving expertly as his tongue lightly grazes on his bottom lip. Mark didn’t have time to catch his breath and starts to feel lightheaded. Not wanting to cause a scene in public, Johnny pulls away leaving Mark breathless but contented.

The elder smiles, threading his fingers with Mark. His free hand reaches out to stroke his soft honey cheek. Mark purrs at the way his hand is warm and fits perfectly on the arch of his cheek.

“To another year with us.”

“And the fans.”

“Right, I almost forgot the cameras were still rolling. We can edit that out.” Johnny reaches out for the camera and angles it with Mark together in frame.

“Anyways, thank you guys, happy Thanksgiving. We love you,” Mark smiles and waves to the camera.

Johnny slings his arm around Mark and finishes his outro, “Peace out, Joh-fam!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh it's finally come to an end! firstly, i want to apologise for the overdue delay in posting as something unexpected came up at work and was really draining me for the past month. but i wanted to post the ending of the fanfic as promised. not sure if anyone is still following the story lmao but i felt like i owed it to you guys anyways. 
> 
> tysm for reading as always!! ❤️ i wanna keep writing so do let me know which ships/ genre would you guys like to read next! love y'all so much!💖 🌸


End file.
